Organization XIII: Retarded chronicles
by Krostko the Saiyaryl
Summary: The organization, including Xion, get into a lot of trouble and strange situations. Half the stuff they do don't seem to have any reason behind it. They don't really have missions because of the trouble, so they deal with it however they feel like.
1. Chapter 1

Organization XIII, A Kingdom Hearts Story

A Krostko the Saiyaryl

**NOTE: This is supposed to be incredibly stupid (I don't own Kingdom Hearts or any other copyright material mentioned?**

Since none of Organization XIII was on any missions ever since they were caught giving out personal information over the internet, (about each other) Roxas and the others were being morons and sluts. (Sluts referring to Larxene and one time Xion) Xemnas also managed to bust them after they charged over $10000.00 on pizza, beer, and Dusk prostitutes on his credit card. Larxene was causing Saix extreme pain as she was cutting his X scar to look like a swastika.

"So Roxas, where'd you put the miracle elixirs?" asked Xigbar.

"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS!!!?" Saix screamed to Larxene.

"Well, there are two ways to answer that. Answer the first, you wouldn't do me, answer the second, it is f***ing hilarious!" Larxene said laughing like Satan.

"I'll aks you again, where is the miracle elixir?" Xigbar asking.

"I told you, it's not an elixir, it's not a drink, I never touched it, and its crack!" Roxas yelled.

"Actually, it's coke from a while back, how Larxene got it, I'll never think about again," Xion said to herself unaware that Vexen and Axel where lighting robes on fire to be funny. Demyx intervened and dumped water on her.

"Roxas, Xshe's xaked!" Demyx said. (He put's X's in every word)

"What?" Xion yelled.

One time, Xion was being controlled by Larxene thanks to an invention created by Zexion and made her sleep with Roxas. Zexion caught her and burned the invention, thus dispelling Xion while she was doing it. That's how she has memory of it.

"It's never happening again Roxas!" Xion yelled.

"You loved it the first time!" Roxas said.

"Larxene made me," Xion muttered.

"At least I gave you a morning after pill, whore," Larxene laughed.

"You're the whore!" Xion said to Larxene.

"Yeah, but still, that's beside the point," Larxene replied.

"Uh, can we even reproduce?" Zexion said.

"No dip Sherlock," Axel commented.

"Xi Dox't thinx xo," Demyx said.

"We probably can, we can do everything else, except naturally pump blood!" Xigbar jumped in.

"That's why we have the strange delicate hearts which are artificial." Roxas said.

"Thank you!" Zexion said.

"How much must you invent?" Xion said obviously still thinking about what happened with the other device.

They then go into the TV room where Marluxia (known by the rest as the gay reaper, even though he still pretends to be straight) is sparring with Luxord and Lexaeus over what channel to watch.

"I say cartoons!" Luxord complained.

"I say pornography!" Lexaeus argued.

"I say crude cartoons, you're compromising," Marluxia stated.

"Shut up Gay Reaper!" Roxas yelled.

"Huh, Larxene, I knew you'd come!!" said Marluxia running up to and hugging Larxene.

"Get off me," Larxene demanded bringing knives out, "Unless of course…"

"Stop Larxene!" Xigbar interrupted.

"Yeah, be nice. You know he's gay," Xion said

"I'm not!!" Marluxia barked.

"Xho pleaxe, youx xo farx xin xhe cloxet, youx finxing X-mas prexents!" Demyx scowled.

"What's going on in here?" Xemnas asked.

"What are you talking 'bout?" Axel replied.

"My list!!" said Xemnas.

He was holding a list with his name crossed out to say dumbass.

"Who's the culprit?"

"I'll give you $100.00 to take the blame Roxas," whispered Vexen.

So like the idiot Roxas is, he raises his hand. Xemnas uses a disintegrator ray, invented by Zexion, to vaporize his hand.

"What the f*** is your problem, that f***ing hurt worse than shoving 100 d*** piles of Motherf***ing S*** in my d*** mouth!" Roxas screamed.

While Roxas is in too much pain to notice, Vexen slips Xemnes' credit card into his wallet.

"What's that in your wallet Roxas?" Xemnes asked angrily.

Vexen takes it out and says, "Xemnas, this is your credit card."

The ray shot the rest of Roxas leaving nothing but his other hand.

Vexen goes into Roxas' wallet to find $853.31 and two naked pictures of Xion.

Zexion looks at him puzzled and muttered, "Pedophile,"

Saix entered and punched Larxene. Larxene took out a knife and started cutting his swastika again.

"STOP IT!!" Saix yelled.

"No F***ing way Saix," Larxene laughed.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

[The Past]

After Vexen attempted to poison Xemnas, they, instead of Xemnas deciding to destroy Vexen, dragged it in to Nobody court.

"If it would please the court, please listen to this tape recording of Vexen and his prankster ways," Saix announced.

"Saix, you're representing me, you're supposed to use stuff that helps me, not harms my chances of winning," Vexen whispered.

"Sorry, disregard that last announcement," Saix said.

"Alright, please note exhibit A, these photos of Vexen shooting at an innocent Nobody slut who I guess is Larxene," Xemnas exclaimed holding up doctored photos of Vexen shooting without realizing Vexen had made it Xemnas. (It was really Xigbar)

Demyx coughed, "Guilxy,"

Saix started to get annoyed, so he started making up crud that no one would believe. "Would it help my client if I told this court of Dusks and a Samurai judge that the plaintiff steals candy from Xion and Roxas and forces them to be pushed past child labor laws, it's true! Now, these are my clearly doctored photos."

He shows the court photos which Vexen switched with five naked pictures of Larxene and one of Xion.

Saix gets angry and says to Vexen, "_This is not the time for you to be pranking me, I'm representing you now, so don't be a douchebag!"_

"Xemnas, Xe're dooxed, pleax isxanity!" Demyx said.

"I plead insanity!" Xemnas said.

The Samurai judge signalized the need for proof.

"Objection, Xemnas is crazy!" Zexion said.

The judge signalized sustained. It then threw it's blade at Xemnas, and that means court finds in favor of Vexen. It finally points at Zexion as to say you make the sentence.

"2 ½ years in the Nobody Looney Bin, with frequent painful lobotomies, cut off from Larxene," Zexion stated.

The judge signalized accepted as he threw a gas grenade at Xemnas while withdrawing his blade.

[The Present]

"That seems a little farfetched Vexen, why would Xemnas trial you, he disintegrated me when I took the fall for you last week!" Roxas explained.

"Yeah, speaking of which Roxas, where'd you come from if Xemnas destroyed you?" Xion asked.

Roxas said, "Well…"

[Past]

"Thanks to advanced technology, I have revived Roxas with all his limbs intact," Zexion announced.

"Why is that good news?" Xaldin asked

"I never said it was good news, I can't see any upside to it besides the fact that I have successfully revived a Nobody, and it only cost $700.00, courtesy of Xemnas, and a donor kidney," Zexion stated.

"Who's kidney?" Xaldin asked.

"Axels'," Zexion answered.

[Present]

"But Zexion was wrong" Roxas continued, "I'm missing a toe and my appendix,"

"You know Zexion's a mad scientist," Xigbar said.

"Where'd you come from?" Xion asked.

"Dark corridor," Xigbar answered.

"Saix, did you enjoy going out into public?" Larxene inquired with her stupid smirk.

"Actually, these scars are from mortals who thought I was a Nazi because what you did to my X!" Saix answered.

"You're a werewolf with a swastika on your head Saix, and my therapist tried to remove it, but he doesn't emit liquids like that," Marluxia explained.

"Shut up, Gay Reaper!" Saix replied nastily.

"Listen, Maybe Xemnas or Zexion could heal it, but if you ask them, you won't have your head!" Larxene laughed, "Because the reaper here will cut it off if I tell him to, right Marly?"

"Yes Larxene," Marluxia said.

"Up yours Larxene!" Saix yelled.

"That can easily be arranged!" Larxene scoffed.

Luxord, Xaldin, Lexaeus, and Axel are playing a game hosted by Zexion.

"Okay," Zexion said, "For 500 points, Roxas is who's Nobody?"

{Luxord hits his button.}

"George W. Bush!"

{Xaldin}

"John Lennon,"

{Axel}

"Kairi!"

{Lexaeus}

"Carson Palmer!"

"You're all obviously wrong, Bush is in prison, (Had no idea, so I used prison) John Lennon is long dead, Kairi's a girl, and Palmer, like all but Kairi, was never a heartless, the answer is the founder of the Red Apple Diner," Zexion said.

"The current score?" Lexaeus asked.

"Axel -50000, Lexaeus 100, Luxord 280, and Xaldin 3000!" Zexion answered.

"How does Xaldin have that much?" Axel yelled.

Zexion presses a remote that activates a shock collar he put on Axel.

"Ouch!" Axel yelled.

"Demyx, if you can explain without using the letter X why you shouldn't be a Dusk, I'll let you stay what you are." Xemnas said.

Demyx didn't speak. He knew Xemnas wasn't gonna turn him into a Dusk, because Xemnas has been making empty threats for 7 days straight for no particular reason; they haven't stopped to sleep or eat.

"Not talking' huh, fine, I'll have Xion beat you dead with the Keyblade," Xemnas stated.

"Xi thoux Roxas wax thex Keyblaxe maxter!" Demyx complained.

Xemnas started conjuring power and next thing Demyx knew, he was a Dusk with a tag on it.

"That tag will prevent you from dying as long as you're a Dusk, and will change you back in 5 days!" Xemnas explained.

Demyx nodded seeing as he couldn't talk.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Axel is in his room feeling great that doors were installed. The Dusk that is Demyx comes by and opens his door.

Demyx freaks at the sight and vanishes.

"What was with that Dusk?" said Axel doing it with Larxene.

"I want to play with it!" Larxene yelled.

"Play as in do, play as in break, or play as in drug? Or any combination of three," Axel replied.

"All three!" Larxene says very gleefully.

"…So Anywho Xion, when this Heartless came, I killed it as it was already gone," Roxas said.

"That's stupid," Xion said, "How did it die if it had already disappeared?"

"Exactly," Roxas replies in a stupid sounding attempt to be slick.

Xion punches him and sits back down.

"We have issues, Xion," Roxas said.

"We're not in a relationship!" Xion yelled.

"You said we would if we had real hearts," Roxas replied. "Besides, you loved doing it!"

"Larxene controlled me though!" she said.

"It was awesome to both of us," Roxas laughed.

Xion punches him again and walks away.

(_She's a hot one.) _Roxas thought.

"Greetings Zexion, Xaldin," Xemnas said politely.

"So what's this invention you mentioned?" Zexion asked.

"Also, why'd you take away my dark corridor?" Xaldin questioned.

"Xaldin, shut up, Zexion, behold!" Xemnas replied.

There was a green chamber that a living specimen seemed to be growing that looked about Roxas' age.

"This thirteen year old was turned into a Heartless, meaning he got a Nobody, and here he is," Xemnas said hitting a big green button labeled "release", the only button on the monitor.

The chamber drained and the boy opened his eyes. The chamber opened and he awkwardly walked out.

"It's like one of those science fiction movies where a guy thinks he clones himself but he cloned someone else instead," Xaldin said in awe.

"Shut up Xaldin, or I'll suspend your dark corridor for two more weeks," Xemnas threatened.

The boy seemed unconscious but standing with his eyes opened.

"Can he talk?" Zexion asked.

"Yes, give him a chance to adjust," Xaldin said in Xemnas' place.

The boy opened his mouth and started to yawn. Then he stopped.

"Speak if you can!" Xaldin demanded.

"You have any liquor or smokes?" The boy asked.

"Are you serious?" Zexion questioned.

"I want to try!" he said.

"No, you're too young," Xaldin replied.

"Okay, question two, who am I, where am I, and why am I here?" he asked.

"You're Thasmox, you're in the Organization XIII HQ, and you're here because you sucked so I upgraded you!" Xemnas answered. (I have arrived)

"So you mean to say I died and now I'm in hell with little memory?" Thasmox trivialized.

"Pretty much," Zexion said unwelcomed.

"Not quite, despite what they think," Xemnas countered.

"There's nothing and no one to do anymore, I've done everyone here!" Larxene complained.

"Yeah, it's finally reversing back to you. You cut me, you get cut into boredom," Saix explained.

"That doesn't make sense Saix!" Larxene replied viciously.

"I'm tired of the bickering between you too!" Axel said.

"And I care why?" Saix asked sarcastically.

"Well, there are still two people, Xion and Marluxia," Luxord said out of no where.

"Well, Xion's a chick and Marluxia is gay, so basically, we'd need someone else for Larxene to get laid differently than usual," Saix explained.

"Lexaeus, you never shut up!" said Xion reading a book with him, Roxas, and Marluxia.

The book was entitled "How to Kill Xaldin in Sixty seconds or Less" by Xaldin.

"Oh, check out this way Gay Reaper," Said Roxas to Marluxia.

The way Roxas told was as follows:

Step 1: Make him drink beer until he's drunk.

Step 2: Inject Heroin into his bloodstream.

Step 3: Stuff his mouth full of apple seeds and make him swallow them. +26 points if he chokes.

"Number twenty-two thousand sucks Roxas, check out this way!" Lexaeus replied.

His way was as follows:

Step 1: Lure him into a trap door with spikes at the bottom.

Step 2: Drop a few hundred grenades in the trapdoor.

Step 3: Close top.

Step 4: Run like hell!

"That is good," Marluxia laughed in an incredibly gay tone.

"I made one with only one step!" Xion said.

"What?" Roxas demanded.

"Step 1; Get the Gay Reaper to cut his head off!" Xion answered.

"I'm not gay, Xion!" Marluxia yelled.

"Than prove it!" Xion said in an unusual tone for her.

"I might be gay, you can help me decide!" Roxas complained.

"Not happening," Xion hissed taking out her Keyblade.

There's a quiet beeping noise.

"Oh, I got to go. Demyx said he'd give me something at 3:00 on today," Lexaeus said.

"So when do we introduce Thasmox to the rest of them?" Zexion asked.

"Whenever the hell Xemnas says so!" Xaldin answered.

"You guys suck, when do we do something? I'm tired of standing around!" Thasmox said bored out of his mind.

"What type of weapon do you use anyway?" Xaldin asked.

"Projectiles and fists," Thasmox replied.

"Vicious," Xaldin answered.

"No one asked you Xasvon!" Thasmox said.

"Xaldin!" Xaldin yelled.

"Baldin?" Thasmox questioned.

"Xaldin!" Xaldin yelled again angrily.

"Xemnas?" Thasmox said now just joking.

"No, Xemnas was that other dude. He's Xaldin. You know my name right?" Zexion asked.

"Zexion," Thasmox answered.

"Oh that's f***** up, he knows your name but not mine!" Xaldin complained.

"Introduce this guy to the group Xaldin!" said Xemnas who just appeared.

"No, make Zexion do it!" Xaldin replied.

"Alright. Five more weeks without dark corridor!" Xemnas said.

(_Go f*** yourself!) _Xaldin thought.

"I appreciate you making Cauldron mad!" Thasmox laughed.

"Xaldin!" Xaldin yelled.

Larxene was sitting there bored. There was barely any noise. Suddenly, the others (Except Xemnas and Thasmox) entered.

"What do you think this meeting is about?" Xion asked.

"Announcing it's mandatory for you do everyone, making you the new slut!" Roxas answered.

Xion took out her Keyblade and started attacking Roxas viciously. For laughs, Xigbar took out a gun and aimed it at Roxas' foot. He started blasting it. Next, Axel started

flaming him as well. Larxene was laughing uncontrollably.

"Stop it, for the love of Xion, stop it!" Roxas begged.

Xigbar and Axel stopped but Xion took out a second Keyblade and was putting in more force.

"Stop Xion!" Xemnas demanded.

Xion followed orders.

"Organization XIII, meet our new member… Thasmox!" announced Xemnas as Thasmox entered the room playing with a Chinese finger trap.

Larxene suddenly jumps him. Thasmox grabs her neck, lifts her, punched her, stood up and stepped on her face.

"What's your problem, you a whore or something?" Thasmox asked.

Larxene answered with a voice muffled by Thasmox' foot, "Yes!"

"Hi Thasmox, I'm Roxas and this is Marluxia the Gay Reaper," Roxas said stupidly.

"I'm not gay, don't listen to Roxas, he's a moron." Marluxia explained.

"Hey Halkin, is that your daughter?" Thasmox asked Xaldin pointing at Xion.

"My name is Xaldin!" Xaldin replied.

"I'm not his daughter," Xion said quietly.

Demyx approaches Thasmox.

"What is this thing?" Thasmox questioned.

"It's called a Dusk, it's a Nobody like us, only it's lesser," Axel explained.

"That guy with the gun and the eye patch, is he a pirate?" Thasmox asked.

"My names Xigbar, and I'm not exactly a pirate," Xigbar answered.

After Xigbar said that, there was noise in the background. Xion apparently had been annoyed by Roxas again because she had one of her Keyblades in her hand, the other in her mouth, while also beating Roxas with his own.

"Xion stop, ouch, ple…, ouch!" said Roxas begging her to stop.

"No!" Xion said.

"Come on!" Roxas screamed in pain.

Marluxia takes out his scythe and punctures it in Roxas' back.

"Gay Reaper, stop!" Roxas yelled.

"No way!" Marluxia laughed.

"That looks like fun!" Thasmox said.

Thasmox walks to the scene and gently places C4 on Marluxia's back and set it. Next he took a knife he took from Larxene when he punched her and impaled it in Roxas' back but Xion was beating him too hard for him to notice. Next, he took Roxas' shoe and slipped it in Xion's pocket. He then backs away slowly. Vexen was the only one who noticed and he could barely control his laughter.

"3, 2, 1," Thasmox whispered to himself.

The C4 blew up. The shoe launched out of Xion's pocket and kicked Roxas in the face. Marluxia was in extreme pain and had let go of the scythe. The scythe landed on the knife and pushed it in deeper. Three seconds later, Roxas adjusted and noticed the knife.

"Larxene, why'd you shove a knife in my back?" Roxas yelled.

"I didn't, don't ask why my knife is there, seriously I don't know," Larxene explained.

"It was Thasmox!" Vexen said while laughing uncontrollably.

"What the f***!" Roxas asked in severe pain.

"Hurting you looked like fun, so I gave it a try!" Thasmox answered.

"What 'bout me?" Marluxia asked.

"You helped!" Thasmox said.

"I meant the C4!" Marluxia responded.

"None of your business," Thasmox said back.

Xion remained silent, but she was thinking, _he enjoys beating Roxas, and his plan worked perfectly. That was hilarious. I like that. I like it a lot!_

While she was thinking and Roxas was in pain, Thasmox was talking to Vexen.

"You prank?" Thasmox asked.

"All the time!" Vexen said.

"Interesting," Thasmox whispered between himself and Vexen.

Xion was standing behind Thasmox and thinking while blushing, _this new guy is awesome!_ While she thought that, he took some grenades out of his pocket.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Larxene was moaning in Thasmox' room. (It was her room, but she got moved)

"Lady Whore, you and the man get out of there!" Thasmox yelled.

She opens the door and knocks him down.

"I wasn't doing anyone believe it or not, it was…"

"I choose to disbelieve," Thasmox interrupted.

"F*** you!" Larxene yelled.

"You wish," Thasmox replied.

(_True,)_ she thought as she entered the dark corridor.

Demyx appeared.

"Another Dusk?" Thasmox questioned him.

Demyx shook his head and pointed to the tag.

"Oh, the same one," Thasmox said. "What do you want?"

Demyx pointed to a bottle of whiskey and than his mouth.

"Oh, you want me to drink it?" Thasmox asked.

Demyx started shaking his head wildly.

"Finally, a Nobody who approves of underage binge drinking!" Thasmox replied excited.

He starts putting the whiskey in his mouth and drinks it non-stop. When the bottle was empty, he fell over and the bottle broke over his head.

Demyx gets shifty eyes and then decides to vanish.

"Hey Roxas, check it out! I got a movie for you," Axel explained.

"The Christmas that Almost Wasn't but Still Was?" he replied looking at the tape.

Larxene walked in at that moment and said, "I hate that d*** movie, Xemmy makes me watch it every year!"

"Well, Roxas hasn't seen it, and he's in the infirmary so he must rest!" Axel responded.

"Larxene, what're you doing here?" Zexion asked.

"I want Vexen to examine me!" Larxene said.

"I don't like where that's going, what'd you eat this time?" Xion replied sarcastically.

"Nothing, I need an examination!" Larxene yelled.

"I'll do it, lie down," Zexion demanded.

"Hui geese's," Thasmox greeted in a drunken voice.

"He's drunk, let's do it!" Larxene cheered.

"E'm nut drank," He tried to explained again.

_He drank too much. I didn't know he drank. I still don't see much wrong with him,_ Xion thought. Thasmox got close to her ear to whisper something. She blushed.

"Listen," he said getting his coherency back, "You might be able to help me prank Roxas, but you have to stay attentive, careful, and serious. No distractions. You in?"

She hesitated for a few seconds, distracted…than whispered back, "Yes,"

In the other room the examinations were ready to go.

"Why do you need an examination?" Zexion questioned.

"I got into yet another sexual accident, and now I'm possibly pregnant," Larxene answered.

"O-kay. I got an answer to one question," Zexion said.

"Xemnas, this is unreasonable!" Marluxia yelled to Xemnas.

"Silence, you'll wash that sink and you'll not get paid," Xemnas snapped.

"Xemnas!" Marluxia said.

"It's that or Dusk like Demyx, and no tag for you," Xemnas explained.

"That Dusk is Demyx?" Marluxia questioned.

"Yes!" Xemnas snapped.

Demyx appeared.

"Hi Demyx," Xemnas said.

He signaled Xemnas when do I change back?

"Two and a half hours!" Xemnas explained.

"Well Larxene, I got the examinations done. It turns out that…" Vexen hesitated. "You're right. It's a pregnancy," Vexen finally got out.

Larxene started shouting profanity that lasted for about three minutes then Vexen sedated her.

"What's her problem?" Thasmox asked.

"She _is_ pregnant!" Vexen snapped putting emphasis on is.

"Vexen, Xemnas needs you!" Zexion said.

"Alright," Vexen replied entering the dark corridor.

"Okay, Larxene, I'll care for you for the time being," Zexion explained.

In the other room, the Christmas movie Axel picked was playing and both he and Roxas were sleeping.

"Okay Xion, you ready?" Thasmox asked.

"Yeah," Xion answered.

"Okay remember, you take out the Keyblade. Meanwhile, I inject poison in his bloodstream while you with the Keyblade put this load of tar in his mouth and stick this piece of duct tape over it.

"Why do I need the Keyblade out?" Xion questioned.

"You beat him once he's awake, very strongly. No holding back!" Thasmox explained.

"Okay," Xion answered reluctantly.

"Busy newbie?" Zexion said sneaking up on their ruse.

"Maybe?" Thasmox answered hesitantly.

"Hi Thasmox!" Larxene said happily. Sedatives apparently had the opposite effect on her and now she was hyper.

Thasmox did the motion of taking his fingers and holding a gun to his head. Xion got a smile and pulled his hand off his head.

"Marluxia, my toilet still isn't clean! Hurry up! And Vexen, is Larxene actually pregnant?" Xemnas asked viciously.

"Yes," Vexen answered.

"Okay, the men are getting in here now!" Xemnas yelled summoning dark corridors in which they than emerged.

"What's that about?" Lexaeus asked.

"Who knocked up Larxene?" Xemnas asked.

"Can't be me, never will be me!" Thasmox answered.

"It can't be the Gay Reaper, he's gay!" Roxas yelled laughing.

"I have a girlfriend!" Marluxia yelled back.

"Namine is fourteen," Luxord snapped.

"Shut up!" Xaldin yelled.

"Stop annoying Folktin," Thasmox replied.

"Xaldin," He yelled ferociously.

"Who?" Xemnas repeated.

"Axel," said Roxas as the others vanished.

Axel got a frightened look on his face. Xemnas walked up to him and grabbed his neck.

"Thanks to you, it'll take longer to get hearts," Xemnas yelled.

"I only did her once, and that was two days ago, she's done every other regular except Gay Reaper!" Axel complained.

"Xion's a girl," Xemnas said.

(_I was going to do her!)_ Marluxia thought.

"I can't believe Axel!" Thasmox said watching the Christmas movie.

"They've been singing for an hour," Roxas yelled.

Demyx, unlike everyone else, was dancing.

"That Dusk is retarded," Xion replied to his dancing.

"Anyone care if this movie off?" Thasmox asked.

"Yex," Demyx said as he unknowingly turned back.

"You've been a Dusk for how long?" Roxas asked.

"Five days," Demyx responded.

"Well, Larxene's knocked up and there's this newb and the sink isn't working and…"

"Xion, I was a Dusk, I didn't vanish," Demyx interrupted.

"Yeah, we need to spend our energy on finding a new way to prank Roxas!" Thasmox whispered to Xion.

"I'm getting tired, I think Xemnas might be the father!" Larxene yelled.

"How?" Zexion asked.

"Well, two months ago, we did it once… a day… for a week… nonstop," she answered.

There was apparently a situation in the other room. Vexen was laughing, Thasmox was pulling pins off grenades, and Xion was abusing Roxas.

"Stop it!" Zexion screamed.

They didn't stop.


	5. Chapter 5

; Chapter 5

(I do not own Malcolm in the Middle, twentieth century fox does. I just use it for comedy)

Larxene was trying to deal with the unpleasantness of her 3 day noticed pregnancy. Roxas was using a laptop.

"What're you doing?" Saix said.

"I'm making my webpage," Roxas responded.

"Why are you using Xemnas' laptop?" Saix asked.

"Xion found my wallpaper. It was a picture of a ten foot gold statue of her naked that Lexaeus carved, she smashed the laptop." Roxas replied.

"What happened to the statue?" Saix asked.

"It's resting with God in pieces. Xion found it, smashed the bejeezus out of it, and nearly killed Roxas," Larxene said.

"What's the matter with you?" Roxas asked.

"The pregnancy is sickening me," Larxene yelled.

Meanwhile, Thasmox and Xion were watching TV. Xion was flipping through channels and Thasmox somehow had cigarettes.

"Get rid of the cigarettes Thasmox!" Larxene screamed.

"Why?" Thasmox asked.

"Same reason I gave 'em to you!" Larxene yelled back

"What reason would that be?" Thasmox questioned intentionally being a jerk.

Larxene went nuts, "I can't be near cigarettes. I'm pregnant! Look at the package!" she said shoving the package in his face, "Surgeon General's Warning!"

"It says ice cream!" Thasmox laughed.

"Can't you read?" Larxene yelled.

"No, the schools where I came from were horrible," Thasmox said.

"I thought you were a clone," Larxene said.

"No, I was a teenager who got turned into a Heartless. I remember it like it was yesterday,"

(Flashback)

*The Thasmox here is a human, so he'll be called Thomas.*

Thomas was in a school at the lockers. This kid walked by and Thomas grabbed him by the neck.

"Remember how you stole my lunch money last month and got sent to prison because I was in crutches?" Thomas asked.

"Yeah, so what?" The kid asked.

"Now that I'm out of the crutches, I'll kick the living s*** out of you," Thomas yelled.

The kid tried to run. The next ten minutes involve Thomas beating him. The kid went to the hospital and somehow, an innocent bystander got blamed. He would've confessed, but after he knew what was going to happen, he kept quiet. The classes took an unusually longer halt than every other day of the school year. They were in the middle of the test that were later graded to be 0's but were given ten points for full effort.

2 hours later, Thomas was walking home when suddenly, a Large Body, eight Shadows, and two Neoshadows appeared. He tried to punch them, but they passed through the Shadows and the Large Body was hit in the front and they are naturally reflected.

"You guys are freaks," Thomas said thinking they were human for some reason.

A Shadow swiped at him and knocked him down. Then, all the Heartless dog piled him, and within thirty seconds, he was a Heartless.

The next day was unusually peaceful due to the fact that Thomas and a few bullies were absent. Xemnas soon found a random Dusk that just happened to be Thasmox and did the upgrading process.

(End Flashback)

.., "and from that point, my memory is hazy," Thasmox ended.

Marluxia and Lexaeus were holding a secret conspiracy against Xaldin to entertain themselves for a brief duration. They were trying to find out Xaldin's newly revealed secret shame (Revealed as in told everyone he has one), not to mention they were deprived of thirty-seven hours of sleep.

"Marluxia, grow the freaking flowers!" said Lexaeus.

"You didn't tell me what type. The Fountain of Secrets has to have a specific type," he complained.

"Daffodils!" Lexaeus yelled.

"What color?" Marluxia asked.

"All of them going in this order! Orange, white-yellow, yellow, white. Six rows, four columns, on both sides, and above the miniature waterfall!" Lexaeus screamed in his face.

"This sounds like a lot of work for a secret. Just steal his diary, all men have one!" Marluxia said.

"That's chicks, moron!" Lexaeus yelled.

"Xion lied to me," Marluxia moaned.

The model was completed except for the water.

"Demyx!" Marluxia yelled.

Demyx dark corridors himself in. "Whax?" He asked.

"The waterfall!" Lexaeus yelled.

"Okax," Demyx said filling the waterfall with a continuous flow.

Xaldin comes in. "What is that?" Xaldin asked.

"The Fountain of Secrets. You write down the biggest secrets you know, put them through this hole in the top, and it'll keep them safe!" Lexaeus said.

Xaldin writes something' down on a slip of paper and tries to put it in. A hand reaches out and punches Xaldin in the face. Marluxia looks in the hall.

"Vexen, what're you doing!" Marluxia yelled.

"LSD," Vexen said punching him in the face.

Lexaeus takes the paper out of Xaldin's hand and reads it. "Aw, I already knew that!" Lexaeus yelled throwing the paper in the trash. The paper said "Zexion's lexicon is actually pornography."

Larxene was enduring some troubles. Anger was one of them because she was craving ramen noodles, and she severely hates ramen. The DVD for her favorite movie "Love is Nice" was blaring.

"Radical!" a kid in the movie said.

"Is that your final answer?" said the movie's ring bearer.

Thasmox was laughing with Larxene. Xion was watching a show that had just ended called "Morningstar in the Middle".

"I wonder what the human version "Malcolm in the Middle" is like," Xion stated.

"I watched that all the time when I had a heart. It was my favorite show," Thasmox said.

"You think that was good, watch Sephiroth!" Xion said.

Thasmox sat down and watched in awe. He takes out a DVD labeled "Lost Episode of Malcolm in the Middle" called _Hal Murders Lois_, where Reese and Malcolm finally realize their pranks are wrong, Francis comes home, and Dewey finally realizes that Malcolm and Reese weren't mean after all. And of course, Hal murders Lois with a refrigerator door and sets them free.

"That was worth thousands, and I don't need it," Thasmox said.

"Did you have to destroy it?" Xion asked.

"Yes I did," he growled.

"Xion, check this out," Roxas said.

She looks at Roxas' webpage. All it had was an image of a poorly drawn Keyblade bouncing on and off of walls. It was so bad, Xion couldn't help laughing.

"Yes, I got a view from an attractive co-worker," Roxas yelled. Xion was laughing too hard to notice what he said. While no one was looking, Thasmox pulled the pin off a grenade and was about to put it down Roxas' pants but Zexion came and took Thasmox out of there.

Axel was being grilled by Xemnas over the pregnancy. They have been arguing over this for a week now. When he had had enough, he started to draw his Ethereal Blades out.

"I'm telling you Xemnas, I didn't get Larxene pregnant. Ask Vexen about it," Axel complained.

"Why would Vexen tell me that?" Xemnas asked.

"To upset Marluxia," Axel groaned.

"Who?" Xemnas questioned.

"Marluxia, Number XI, gay guy who carries a scythe and likes flowers," Axel answered.

"Never heard of him," Xemnas said back.

Zexion appears through a dark corridor holding Thasmox by the neck in normal clothes so the corridor burned him. Zexion throws him to Xemnas (Which he catches) and went back through the dark corridor.

"I'm getting sick of Thasmox' failed attempts to prank the Keyblade teens." Xemnas yelled.

"Not girl Roxas, just Roxas," Axel responded knowing he wouldn't recognize the name Xion.

The third attempt to make Xaldin spill it failed, so Marluxia and Lexaeus tried something else.

"Do you think this'll work?" Lexaeus asked.

"Definitely," Marluxia answered confidently.

"Xhy xo xi haxe xo xe xin thix caxe?" Demyx question in a suspended cage where spikes would come down on him from above on Lexaeus' command.

"You're the icing. You're one of the people Xaldin likes, he hates everyone else. Especially the Keyblade teens and Thasmox," Lexaeus responded.

"Thax telx xim xou'll kilx Thasmox!" Demyx yelled.

"No, I kinda like Thasmox," Marluxia said.

"So you're a child molester?" Lexaeus asked.

"I don't mean it like that, I'm not gay!" Marluxia denied, stuttering.

Xaldin appeared. "Why is Demyx in a cage?"

"We'll kill him unless you tell us your secret shame," Marluxia snarled.

"That's what today's been about?" Xaldin trivialized.

"We told you already. Can you tell us," Lexaeus yelled at him.

"Sure," Xaldin said.

"Gay, gay, gay, gay…" Marluxia kept repeating under his breath.

"Just follow this map!" Xaldin said dropping a piece of paper in front of Marluxia's feet and vanishing.

"I hate these pregnancy symptoms," Larxene said.

"Yeah, we'll hear about how you put that light bulb out later," Thasmox replied watching Sephiroth.

"Shut up," Larxene yelled.

"You know what, you being pregnant remind me of a time when I was trying to hit on this guy's girlfriend," Thasmox said reminiscing.

(Flashback)

*This is another human Thasmox, so it'll be treated as such.*

This girl (The one mentioned) was at her locker and Thomas approached her.

"What do you want?" she asked.

"Why don't we go to that pizza place down the street after school?" Thomas asked her confidently.

"I'm already going with Eric Gintrek!" (Random) she yelled. The boy shows up and pushes him in the lockers. He takes out a shiv-like object and holds it to his neck.

(End Flashback)

"…and then I remember three months in the hospital," Thasmox closed.

"How the hell did you not get expelled from that place?" Larxene asked.

"Awful school," Thasmox yelled.

"So, I got expelled for doing a guy in the middle of class when I was a teenager in school," Larxene said.

"I've got to put that on my website," Roxas laughed. He was unusually motivated because Larxene got Xion drunk and she was massaging his shoulders.

"Nice touch spiking her water Slutserella," Thasmox said.

Larxene shocked him with high voltage lightning which he caught in a lightning stick. He than put it in Roxas pocket. Zexion again took him to Xemnas.

"Do you have to interrogate everybody, Xemnas?" Xigbar asked.

"Yes, we have to know who the f*** knocked up Larxene, so we'll know what kind of evil demented creature will turn out from it," Xemnas said.

"You could've just as easily done it Xemnas. You guys did it about a hundred times two months ago," Axel yelled.

"Quiet you!" Xemnas demanded.

"What about Saix?" Axel complained.

"Nah, I didn't do her for three months after what she did to my X. I did do her yesterday though," Saix explained slickly.

"Quiet you!" Xigbar repeated from Xemnas as he shot Saix. He dodged it, however.

Zexion appeared and threw Thasmox at Xemnas same as last time. He got knocked out this time.

"We don't need the thirteen year old boy now Zexion!" Xemnas yelled.

"There is no need to breathe Xemnas," Zexion said casting an illusion.

"That doesn't work on me Zexion!" Xemnas said.

Zexion ran away very quickly and used a dark corridor when he was content with his distance. Saix picked up his pager that started beeping.

"Darn it, it's my turn to help Vexen," Saix complained as he entered a dark corridor carrying Thasmox who started to come to.

"I need some more crack!" Larxene complained.

"No crack!" Vexen demanded.

Saix came and threw Thasmox in a bed.

"Mr. Doggy, I am awake!" Thasmox yelled.

"Not for long!" Xion whispered putting something in his soda.

Saix was putting a brush up his throat in order to get a DNA sample. He was struggling to resist the pain because Zexion built it with sharp edges from the Nobody emblem. In the struggle, he accidently kicked himself "there". He fell.

"My webpage is a hit! I got six views from Lexaeus trying to find out Xaldin's secret shame," Roxas said happily.

"Do you have it?" Xion asked.

"No," Roxas answered.

Marluxia and Lexaeus were following Xaldin's map. It led them in circles fifty-two times before it took them somewhere different. It took three days to go the distance. They have finally arrived in a different place. Agrabah.

"What are we doing in a desert?" Marluxia asked.

"It's where the map took us I guess," Lexaeus answered.

"Hello," a person from behind said. Marluxia was startled and accidently cut off the person's head. The person was Aladdin.

"We got us a new Heartless!" Saix says out of no where. Marluxia nearly cuts his head off. It wasn't an accident though. "We need DNA samples from both of you, so stuff this 'paint' covered paintbrush up your throat."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Xion is watching TV. Roxas is sleeping and Thasmox is attaching detonator mines to his face. Zexion walks in and makes him bow down to Roxas with his elemental powers.

_He's losing his touch already, _Xion thought.

"Shut up in there!" Larxene yelled.

"That's enough Thasmox," Zexion said placing him on the couch next to Xion.

"This is cool," Xion said watching the show _Sephiroth's Killfest._

"Oh sweet, It's on now!" Thasmox asked ecstatically

"Yup," Xion responded gleefully.

"Turn it up!" Larxene yelled.

"No f***ing way!" Xion said.

"Demyx, Vexen. So glad you could make it. I'd like you to do something," Xemnas announced.

"Name it Xemnas," Vexen said.

"I want you two to go to that one castle where Xaldin went and collect hearts," Xemnas replied.

"Whax, Xy can'xt xou xend Axel xand Marluxia? Demyx complained.

"Same reason you can't convince Roxas that Dark Corridors aren't the gateways to Hell unless they were opened by Girl Roxas," Vexen replied.

"Yeah, plus I'm trying to get special hearts. Hearts from Bulky Venders," Xemnas said.

"What?" Vexen complained more outraged than Demyx was.

"F*** your complaints. If you don't do this mission, we will _truly_ be Organization XIII,"

"Fine," Vexen replied accepting the facts. You gotta do what you gotta do, or in Larxene's case, who.

"Xno," Demyx pleaded.

Xigbar appeared prepared to ask Xemnas for a raise. Vexen took one of his guns, shot Xigbar and aimed it at his own head.

"Xi Dox't wanx xo wix Vexen, he'lx xturn thix inxo onxe joxe faxory," Demyx sobbed.

"Damn right," Vexen coughed.

"Gonna get you," Larxene said sticking needles in a Marluxia voodoo doll.

"Thasmox, Zexion's at the supermarket, this is our only chance to prank Roxas."

"I'll look at your novel later Xion, I'm watching Sephiroth," Thasmox whispered.

"Fine, I'll do it myself," Xion replied. She takes a grenade she stole from Thasmox and placed it in Roxas' mouth. She rushes back to the couch without noticing she forgot to pull the pin off. Zexion appears, takes it out, pulls the pin off, and throws it at Thasmox.

Xion runs but Thasmox sits there watching Sephiroth.

Marluxia and Lexaeus are still trying to find out Xaldin's secret shame. Lexaeus is fine but Marluxia is still vomiting because he had to taste his own blood from Saix' brush.

"Okay, let's keep going," Lexaeus yelled.

"I'm fine now!" Marluxia said.

They go on following the map until about three hours later, two of those involving swimming until they end up in a different world.

"Wow, this place has so many flowers!" Marluxia cheered.

"So?" Lexaeus asked taking a small look around.

"Lighten up, this place is beautiful, the flowers, the ocean… the flowers," Marluxia explained.

"Okay, have this coconut," Lexaeus laughed as he tossed it at Marluxia's head. He catches in his mouth and bites into it with enormous fangs.

"Why do you have fangs?" Lexaeus asked.

"You never noticed?" Marluxia asked.

"No," Lexaeus answered.

"I get a good vibe from this place, same as my last visit," Marluxia said.

"Where are we?" Lexaeus asked.

"Destiny Islands," Marluxia answered.

"I'm gonna kill myself!" Larxene yelled.

Thasmox wasn't watching TV because Sephiroth wasn't on.

"Thasmox, look at my webpage!" Roxas said.

Thasmox went over and looked at it. There were four folder files. They were labeled as follows.

1: News and Gossip

2: Images

3: Roxas' Weekly Word of Wisdom

4: Xion

"Pretty neat, right?" Roxas asked.

Thasmox hesitated for a second. He than fell back on the floor and started laughing like a hyena.

"Glad you like it," Roxas said.

After twenty minutes, he stops laughing.

"Get me a knife Thasmox, I'm going for suicide," Larxene yelled.

"This reminds me of a time when I was eleven,"

(Flashback)

*Another thing of Thomas*

Thomas was walking into the kitchen in his house to take out a knife. His mom grabs his arm, takes the knife and puts it back. He then goes up to his room and takes out his katana. His dad takes it and destroys it. Than he takes out a rope and ties it to a tree branch. Then he picks up his cat.

(End Flashback)

"And then I think I was tased by a cop for animal cruelty, or it was an animal cruelty misunderstanding. I was trying to see if cats can climb rope. The blades were just decoration," Thasmox finished explaining.

"What does that have to do with Larxene's supposed murder-suicide consideration?" Xion asked.

"The blade part of it relates," Thasmox said.

"Hey Larxene, if this pregnancy is bothering you, why not try doing the A-word?" Roxas recommended.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Larxene asked.

"I think he means an abortion," Xion said.

"That's a great idea, but how do you two know about that?" Larxene said.

"I was asking Zexion some questions, and one of them led to what was an abortion. He told me and I told Roxas and he screamed for five hours straight," Xion explained.

"I'm gonna find Vexen!" Larxene yelled.

Demyx and Vexen arrived at Beast's Castle to do their retarded mission. There were scratch marks all over the walls.

"This is strange," Vexen said.

"Thix ix nox recox, Vexen," Demyx yelled.

"No, this text message from Larxene. She wants an A-B-O-R-T-I-O-N," Vexen answered.

"Whyx ix thax xa problex?" Demyx said.

"I lied to Larxene, she's not pregnant. You suffered doing some more work for nothing," Vexen confessed.

Demyx' eye starts twitching. "Hand me your shield for a second!" Demyx said angrily and somehow, no X's. Vexen complies and Demyx smashes his sitar over his head.

Saix and Zexion were now facing Xemnas.

"We need to do something about Thasmox' retarded behavior and Demyx being a sloth, also not to mention Larxene," Zexion said.

"Well, Thasmox is not bad…"

"Are you kidding me, he nearly kills Roxas several times every day!" Zexion yells interrupting Xemnas.

"I'll teach Demyx a lesson by turning him into a Dusk!" Xemnas answered.

"You've done that," Saix said.

"Your point being, Saix?" Xemnas moaned sarcastically.

Larxene uses a dark corridor and enters the room.

"So, Demyx and Thasmox are a problem!" Zexion stuttered noticing her.

"You forgot about the pregnant demoness!" Saix mentioned out of his stupidity.

"You won't have to worry about me because once I find Vexen, he's giving me an A-word," Larxene said.

"What's that have to do with this?" Saix asked.

"She means an abortion, I told Xion and Xion told Roxas and Roxas screamed for five hours straight," Zexion said.

Everyone was silent for the next ten minutes.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Larxene was reading about some of the risks of childbirth on her laptop (Luxord's laptop) and they seem to be too much for her to bear. Thasmox and Xion are plotting as usual; ways to torture Roxas without getting caught by Zexion, which by now, counts up to forty-seven failed attempts. Marluxia and Lexaeus have been away for six days and no one cares where they went.

"Okay Xion, you distract Zexion. With that in action, I will then lure Roxas into the Grey Room. In there, I will then trick Saix into thinking Xemnas called him. If Demyx is in there, I'll just terminate him. To that point, I'll abuse Roxas forever," Thasmox said.

"Sounds like a plan," Xion replied.

"More like a felony!" Zexion yelled in her ear.

Xion goes away, but Thasmox gives Zexion a demented look. He then stands up, charging a pulse of energy in his hand. When the thing finally gets big enough, he launches it at Zexion. It hits, and knocks him down burning him very badly. He jumps on him, pins him down, and starts beating him relentlessly.

"Sto… oh my g… oou… Tha… sto…" Zexion yelled but is being cut off because Thasmox is punching him.

"Go Thasmox!" Roxas yelled.

Xion turned on the TV and changed it to "The Heartless chat", which was just starting.

Marluxia is trying to get Lexaeus to stay at the Destiny Islands, but Lexaeus doesn't want to stay unless he can destroy someone.

"Come on, what's wrong with this place, it has the flowers," Marluxia said.

"Gay Reaper, there are certain rules that apply to people around me. One of them is "Shut the F*** up", and another is getting on my bad side is a one way ticket to pain!" Lexaeus snapped.

"Hey, is that a weakling begging to be killed?" Marluxia asked trying to trick Lexaeus.

"Where?" Lexaeus asked believing the lie.

Marluxia takes out his scythe and pushes him down. He takes out a sack labeled "Xemnas' Remains" and puts Lexaeus inside.

"Now we stay," Marluxia said.

"Xemnas, please! I had my reasons to lie!" Vexen said.

"I'm listening," Xemnas commanded.

"Larxene sleeps with everyone and it…uhh, it… it distracts her from work yes! Distract her from work! Through that, I was teaching her that sex is bad!" Vexen panicked.

"That is pathetic," Saix said.

"How much did she pay you Saix? How ever much she paid, I can triple it!" Vexen begged.

"Silence!" Xemnas yelled.

"A punishment most suiting for _you_ Vexen, I think that since you lied, you should be the one to tell her," Saix explained.

"I'm guessing around two-hundred thousand munny," Vexen guessed.

"Try five-thousand and ten bags of dog food!" Saix answered.

Luxord and Xion were watching TV as Thasmox was beating Zexion for a time period going on three hours. No one was paying any heed to it.

"Zexion, you want me to kill everyone, cause I can extinguish the sun! I have power over stars apparently!" Thasmox yelled.

"STOP!" Zexion yelled.

Xion sighs for a second and than says, "Roxas, I'll do you if you help Zexion," She said blankly.

"YES!" Roxas said throwing Thasmox off Zexion and beating him with a Keyblade.

"Zexion, I help you, you help me!" Xion said.

"I know what you're getting at!" Zexion said.

Black energy appears around Roxas and dissipates after about three seconds. He continues to beat Thasmox.

"Roxas!" Xion yelled.

"I'll stop!" Roxas said.

"Enough," Luxord said. Luxord took out some cards and did weird thing with them. Thasmox was then surrounded by spinning cards. The cards stopped spinning about five seconds later, but Thasmox was gone.

"He's gone," Luxord said.

"Where'd he go?" Zexion asked.

Thasmox appears somewhere else. Somewhere that should be familiar but isn't. His human home.

"Where the F*** am I?" He asks himself.

The door opens. He hides behind a tree and spies. He looks out and sees Thomas. He sees himself.

"Where the F*** am I?" He repeats to himself.

Thomas walks by and pushes him into the tree.

"Are you my clone?" Thomas asked.

"Well, I don't know who you are, so I can't say much," Thasmox said due to the fact that he's an idiot.

"Shut up!" Thomas said.

"You asked me a question dumb***!" Thasmox said.

Thomas beats Thasmox up.

"You'll regret this when I kill you and turn you into a Heartless!" Thasmox yelled obviously still not realizing that he's talking to himself from a while back.

Xemnas is still trying to find a suitable punishment for Vexen. Meanwhile, he has him grooming Saix and has Xigbar aiming the gun at him should he stop.

"When do I get my break?" Xigbar asked.

"Once I get my flea bath and my ice cream, and Xemnas says Vexen can stop!" Saix yelled.

"Shut up!" Vexen yelled.

Saix bites him.

"Ow!" Vexen yelled.

"You might need some silver before the next full moon, because I'm a werewolf!" Saix howled.

"Saix, stop talking or you can sleep in Thasmox' bed tonight," Xemnas yelled.

"I'll be good," Saix says quickly.

Marluxia is trying to get a tan and Lexaeus is trying to escape the sack.

"I'll beat you this time!" Tidus yelled.

Marluxia walks up to Tidus and bonks him with the scythe.

"It's impossible to relax around here!" Marluxia said.

"Marluxia, let me out!" Lexaeus said angrily.

"Lexaeus, there are some rules that apply to people around me. One, worship the flowers, two, don't disgrace the flowers when I'm speaking well of them!" Marluxia snapped taking Lexaeus' Axe and puts it in the water.

"You can't dump my axe!" Lexaeus screamed.

"Vexen, it's time!" Xemnas said.

"I can stop Saix' treatment!" Vexen yelled.

"Get owned by Larxene instead!" Saix said.

"Aw, f***!" Vexen explained.

Xemnas opened a Dark Corridor and threw Vexen inside.

Xion was watching _Sephiroth's Killfest_ again. She was pretending that a hand carved, wooden replica of Luxord was Thasmox because he hasn't come back yet. She took Roxas' Keyblade and grafted it to his stomach and currently, Zexion was removing it. Larxene was punching Luxord because he had made the collectible Larxene card, explaining how she's the biggest slut.

"Xion, when Xemnas finds out, he's…"

"Not gonna care!" Xion said interrupting Zexion.

"Luxord!" Larxene yelled.

"I need to find Thasmox!" Luxord yelled.

Larxene starts punching Luxord harder and faster.

"Come on, come on… YES! He did it! He just killed the director!" Xion said.

"Xion, it's like your watching football!" Zexion said.

"Sephiroth's using a football!" Xion explained.

"What happened to Masamune?" Zexion asked.

"Banned for this round!" Xion answered.

Luxord finally cards Larxene off of him and warps to the past before she can maintain him again.

"Axel, look. Thasmox is looking at me!" Xion said.

"Stop pretending that's him. It's Luxord doll. Got it Memorized?" Axel rambled.

"Where'd it go?" Xion asked looking for the wooden Luxord.

Larxene took the Luxord doll and started punching it.

"Larxene, stop punching Thasmox!" Xion yelled.

"uh…, no!" Larxene yelled.

Thasmox was lurking in the past trying to find the Thomas who beat him up and get him back. As a matter of fact, he intended to turn him into a Heartless. Strangely, that would benefit the Organization.

He's hiding in a tree and watching for when Thomas walks by. When he walks by, he fires the Starlight he conjured in his hand. He thought about extinguishing the Sun but he then figured it be too complicated to flip his wrist. Thomas walked by.

"The fish took the bait, and now the filet will be cooked, at about 10000 degrees," Thasmox whispered.

Thomas punched the tree for no reason, but unfortunately, Thasmox still fell out and burned himself.

"Ow, that burned it did!" Thasmox yelled.

"You're a retarded assassin, aren't you?" Thomas said.

"The retarded assassin has pink hair, a big scythe, a gay personality and is missing! I'm the smart ass teenager who loves violence. Understood?" Thasmox commented.

"You obviously have been smoking crystal," Thomas said.

"Who told you?" Thasmox yelled.

"You, even when you're mouthing me. I'll beat you again if you don't leave!" Thomas said.

"Eat 10000 degrees of heat, mortal!" Thasmox yelled lunging a Starpunch which easily missed. Following his fail to hit, Thomas grabbed Thasmox' neck and started choking him.

"You'll regret this!" Thasmox yelled kicking him off.

Thomas obviously was not pleased. He mysteriously took out a pistol.

"How the heck do you have a gun?" Thasmox screamed.

"Magic!" Thomas yelled as he fired his gun.

Thasmox casted reflect and Thomas did the same after Thasmox.

"Where did you get magic?" Thasmox asked.

"I've always knew something. Watch as I cast Graviga!" Thomas said casting Graviga.

"Holy weed, why'd you go so powerful on me?" Thasmox yelled.

"Told you!" Thomas said.

"Screw you!" Thasmox yelled entering a Dark Corridor which Thomas followed him through.

Marluxia and Lexaeus were finally moving from Destiny Islands where Marluxia had taken many photos.

"Any Idea where we are going?" Lexaeus asked.

"Xaldin's map seems to be leading us to an X, meaning we're getting close. Congratulations Lexaeus!" Marluxia said.

"Maybe we can leave now, because Roxas might have it on his site." Lexaeus added.

"Check before we leave," Marluxia said.

Lexaeus takes out his web book and types in the website '=news+gossip+1&Xion=8. (Not a real website, it's just Roxas' website)

"Let's see…" Lexaeus says scrolling.

This is the information in news and gossip.

Zexion is a Pervert

Xaldin has a Secret Shame

Larxene is Pregnant and needs an A-word

Xion is hot when nude

Marluxia is gay

Organization XIII will get you mortal viewers

Go to Paul's Carpet Emporium for low, low prices on carpets, drapes, and drugs.

Thasmox' real name is Mosath

"Well, it says all over it that Roxas is an idiot, no doubt," Lexaeus said.

"Let's just keep walking, maybe we'll see some flowers along the way," Marluxia said.

"Take a photo, but don't stay too long," Lexaeus growled.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Lexaeus and Marluxia are still searching for the secret shame of Xaldin. They have yet to get close to discovering and have been gone for 3 weeks. Meanwhile, Roxas is going after Xion, Xemnas is angry, Saix is doing little, Demyx is sleeping, Larxene is preparing for her abortion, and Vexen is getting ready to tell her she's not pregnant, and Thasmox is hunting the past form of himself.

"Alright, wherever you are, I'll blow you to smithereens!" Thasmox whispered hiding behind bushes.

Thomas is walking to school and is holding a crossbow.

"A crossbow?" Thasmox questioned to himself.

Somehow, as Thasmox is aiming a Starblast at him, a tree branch falls off the tree above him and hits him on the head.

"OW! Darn, he got away!" Thasmox complained.

"Xion, why don't you ever do me? I ask and ask and ask and try so hard, but all you ever do is reject me! Why do you hate me?" Roxas asked.

"Here are some reasons. First, you're an idiot, second, you're ugly and not hot, and also, I don't like you and I'm not in the mood like the way men are repeatedly! Understand?" Xion explained.

"Xion…" Roxas said starting to tear up.

"You hurt the brat's feelings?" Larxene asked.

"She did," Zexion answered.

Roxas, now crying goes into the closet and thinks to himself, _so, Roxas is a bad looking, stupid man, who isn't?_

"Vexen, are you almost ready?" Larxene asked.

"Maybe," Vexen said.

"Vexen, where is Luxord?" Zexion asked.

"He's looking for Thasmox," Vexen explained.

"Xion, ix Sephiroxth almoxt ox?" Demyx asked.

"Demyx? Are you active enough to watch TV?" Xion asked.

"Ofx courxe Ix caxn, I'xe takenx pexp pillx!" Demyx said jittery.

"Lexaeus, help me. This Invisible is difficult!" Marluxia yelled.

"Marluxia, please. I'm having enough trouble with the Dust Flier. Darn Xaldin having powerful Heartless guard his clues," Lexaeus said.

Marluxia defeats the Invisible. "Lexaeus, I got a clue. Crud, it's fake!"

"How great for you. Please help me!" Lexaeus yelled being demolished by Dust Flier.

Marluxia throws his scythe at the Dust Flier, but it bounces off and impales Lexaeus in the head.

"Holy s***, Lexaeus, are you all right?" Marluxia asked.

"No…" Lexaeus answered starting to cry.

The Dust Flier ascends and flies off. As it's leaving, it gets jolted and then thrusts down its shockwave.

"Marluxia you retard, it was leaving! Why'd you cast Thundaga?" Lexaeus screamed jumping.

"I don't know!" Marluxia said.

"I'm getting really pissed off! I'm tempted to just launch a missile or extinguish the sun, but that would kill everybody, and though that would be very enjoyable, it's not what I'm after right now. Now where are you?" Thasmox said to himself.

"I'm right behind you," Thomas yelled.

"Ahh! Why does my nonexistence suck so badly?" Thasmox said.

"I'll give you a few reasons, but first, I'll kick your ass!" Thomas said.

Thomas beats Thasmox up again.

"Stop doing that, motherf***er!" Thasmox yelled.

"Go away then!" Thomas said.

"I'd like to, but I'm stuck," Thasmox said.

"Wait, your stuck?" Thomas asked.

"Yeah, you see, Luxord did a card trick and it accidently sent me back in time and I can't Dark Corridor through time. Do you know how I can go back?" Thasmox asked.

"Who's…Wait a min…time travel, what're you talking about?" Thomas asked confused.

"This!" Thasmox said pushing Thomas down and beating him up. He launches a few Starpunches and burns Thomas pretty badly. He was about to use a Starpunch with a crushing power, but ran low on energy and just punched him.

"Dirtbag!" Thomas yelled.

"Not dirtbag, revenge!" Thasmox said slickly as he Dark Corridored.

Demyx is watching TV with Xion, extremely pepped up.

"Demyx, how many pills did you take?" Xion asked.

"Just one…, or two… and then, then, I drank seven Amps! Look, I'm gonna play Beatles songs extremely fast. Quickly!" Demyx said extremely quickly.

"I know something's wrong, because you're not using X's," Xion said.

"Demyx, you're lucky you don't have a heart, or it would've stopped?" Zexion said.

"Nobody cares, Mr. Librarian, can I have the word inflicted defined?" Demyx asked.

"No," Zexion said.

Roxas just stood there with his hood up devising plans to hump Xion, thinking of course, _Xion, enjoy not being laid while you can. The drugs I put in her waffles should do fine. Nice old aphrodisiacs._

"Roxas, did you put these pills in my waffles?" Xion asked.

"Yes, they're aphrodisiacs. Horny yet?" Roxas asked.

"NO!" Xion yelled jumping Roxas and beating him with a Keyblade.

"FYI Roxas, Viagra doesn't work on girls," Zexion said reading his book.

"What're you reading?" Xion said hitting Roxas brutally.

"Playboy… er, I mean, ways to kill Xaldin without using items or spells," Zexion said.

Marluxia is sleeping and Lexaeus is killing several Sergeants.

"What's this, a clue?" Lexaeus yelled opening a scroll.

"What's it say?" Marluxia said waking up.

"Dig here," Lexaeus said. He plunges his axe into the ground but it gets snagged and thrown back up.

"What happened?" Marluxia asked.

"I don't know," Lexaeus said.

The ground starts crumbling and an entity emerges from it. The entity happens to be Saix.

"Watch where you're plunging that axe, Lexaeus?" Saix said.

"Wolfy…what're you doing down there?" Lexaeus asked confused as hell.

"That's where I hide human bones," Saix said.

"Saix, why do you have human bones?" Marluxia asked.

"Never mind," Saix explained.

Thasmox is walking on the beach, for some reason, everybody has matching towels. "I wonder, if I go under the dock, will I see a rock lobster?" Thasmox asked himself walking under a dock. "No, nothing besides a few priceless gems, a treasure chest, and a rod of god power. Nothing interesting,"

"You're an idiot," Luxord said from behind him.

"Luxord! Send me back to the present," Thasmox said.

"That's why I'm here, but first, I need to wait another couple of hours for my time to recharge," Luxord said.

"Could you speed it up?" Thasmox asked.

Luxord hit him with cards and knocked him out.

Roxas has devised a brilliant scheme to nail Xion, and is currently prepping it. Xion is unaware, and doesn't really care, because she's occupied criticizing Demyx.

"That does _not_ sound like Strawberry Fields Forever, at any tempo!" Xion said.

"Demyx, I told you I have the sheet music. Do you want it or not?" Zexion asked.

"No, I told you!" Demyx yelled.

"I miss your X's. Speak with them," Zexion said.

"No way!" Demyx said.

_Roxas is not hot, good looking, or smart. Let's see if Xion likes Thasmox,_ he thought to himself dressing up like Thasmox and making a dummy Luxord.

"Xion!" Roxas said, disguising his voice marvelously.

"Thasmox, you're back!" Xion yelled.

"That's a big deal?" Roxas asked.

"Uh…" Xion stuttered blushing.

"Demyx, Zexion. Would you please leave the room for about an hour?" Roxas asked.

"Fine," Zexion asked using a Dark Corridor, dragging Demyx with him.

"Xion, we're alone. You know where I'm going with this right?" Roxas said trying to be sexy, "You want to do it?"

"Yes," Xion said jumping him, stripping.

"Saix, when do we return to the castle?" Marluxia asked.

"As soon as I find Xaldin's secret shame. I have the final clue," Saix explained.

"What is it?" Lexaeus asked.

"Look at the bottom of the ocean at Neverland around Skull Rock," Saix said.

"Neverland, we were just there!" Lexaeus said.

"Luxord can we go back now?" Thasmox asked.

"Yes," Luxord said, doing a similar card trick to what he did last time.

Right as a tricked Xion finishes doing Roxas, guess what? That's right, they appeared.

"Hey Xi… holy..." Thasmox screamed.

"What the… Thasmox, if you're there, then who am I… _**ROXAS?**_" Xion screamed so loud the whole World that Never Was could hear.

"Ha-ha… hi Xion…" Roxas said extremely nervously as Xion was getting off of him.

"You've really pushed it this time Roxas!" Xion said putting her robes back on.

"Xion, don't take this the wrong way or get any ideas, but you're kinda hot," Thasmox explained staring at her. "Also, why are you dressed like me Roxas?"

"Uh… well, you just saw how I…" Before he could finish his thought, Xion bashes him over the head with the Keyblade and starts brutally murdering him. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! SOMEBODY HELP ME!" Roxas screamed as he was smashed by Xion.

"Xion, did you just kill him?" Thasmox asked.

"Yes, yes I did. But don't worry, he'll be back," Xion explained.

"This is a disgusting display of two teenagers screwing themselves up," Luxord said.

"Xion, don't believe that this is coming from me, but I'm going say go to Vexen. Here, I'll come with you," Thasmox said opening a Dark Corridor in which they walk through. Luxord than teleports to Xemnas.

"Xemnas, there are still no signs of He-man or the Gay Reaper. Got it memorized?" Axel said.

"Where's my Saix puppy?" Xemnas asked.

"I don't know. He left," Axel said.

"D*** it, I needed to be advised on how to punish Demyx!" Xemnas yelled.

Luxord appears with his eyes closed. "Xemnas, you'll want to hear this. Xion was f***** by Roxas!" Luxord said spontaneously.

"Larxene's a pedophile?" Xemnas asked.

"Yes, but we're talking about Xion, not Larxene," Luxord said.

"Girl Roxas?" Xemnas asked.

"Yes," Axel said.

Xemnas hurled an Ethereal Blade at Axel. "No one asked you!"

The trio is under the ocean, somehow breathing.

"Saix, can we go back yet?" Marluxia asked.

"Not until Lexaeus finishes digging," Saix yelled.

"I've been doing this for six hours. When do I get a break?" Lexaeus asked.

"When you find Xaldin's secret shame!" Saix yelled.

"Why don't you force Marluxia, he likes getting his hands dirty, and my axe can only withstand so much," Lexaeus yelled.

"Shut up!" Saix said.

"Er… Hey, I found something," Lexaeus said tossing a chest up which lands on Saix.

"Are you okay?" Marluxia asked.

"Just a few broken bones and shattered blood vessels," Saix said quickly and weakly attempting to lift the chest.

Lexaeus opens the chest without lifting it off of Saix. "What the… Sea Shanty albums, A Sailor suit, a scroll on how to cure sea sickness, and the chest?" He stated.

"Xaldin's seaworthy!" Marluxia said.

"That must be it, and could somebody lift this chest off of me?" Saix asked.

Marluxia smashed the chest and opened a Dark Corridor in which he walked through and Lexaeus dragged Saix.

Vexen was approaching Larxene as Xion and Thasmox were going to get pills.

"Vexen, I need pills, Roxas placed some _material_ in me, some…organic material…related to…Marluxia's plant seeds," Xion said somewhat reluctantly.

"By which she means his semen," Thasmox said.

"The pills are gone," Vexen said.

"Vexen, less yakking, more sucking!" Larxene said.

"Larxene, listen… you… you… aren't pr… pregnant. I… uh kinda tricked you," Vexen said very hesitantly.

"_You mean to tell me that I could've been drunk and high this whole time_?" Larxene screamed.

"You were!" Vexen said.

"That's not the point; this is your idea of a joke. Thasmox, where are my cigarettes? I'll need something to smoke as I murder Vexen!" Larxene screamed.

"Goodbye, too bad I can't Dark Corridor because Xemnas took away my privileges, so I'll run like hell!" Vexen yelled.

"Hold on Vexen, I'll help!" Thasmox said putting up a barrier right in front of him and Xion to seal every possible exit Vexen could take. "Larxene, here's the only one I haven't smoked yet. Take it, and Proceed," Thasmox said.

"Yes sir, Mr. Jerk sir," Larxene said pulling out her knives and lighting her cigarette.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Vexen has been slaughtered, and currently, Thasmox is drunk and Xion is attempting to watch TV but is getting a little uncomfortable because Thasmox is drunk and acting out.

"Xion, have you ever noticed how girls have boobs?" Thasmox asked, drunk.

"Yeah," Xion said hitting him over the head with a keyblade.

"Hey Xion…" Roxas said.

"Roxas, after the incident of three weeks ago, I suggest you stay away from me unless you want to wake up tomorrow morning tied up with razor wire, gagged, corked, and drugged inside a cage at the bottom of the ocean! Understood?" Xion threatened.

"Yes!" Roxas said giving her a signal of opinion translated as "Demented."

"Can I do that to him, Xion?" Thasmox asked, sobering up.

"Be my guest," Xion said happily.

"Xion, the results of your pregnancy test are in," Zexion said.

"Xion, why'd you bother to even bother to take the test? You know you're not gonna be!" Roxas said.

"I've been sick all week! I took the test, and God help you if it says positive!" Xion yelled.

"Roxas… Run!" Zexion yelled showing Xion the test.

Roxas enters a Dark Corridor reluctantly in fear. (They're gates to hell if not opened by Xion is Roxas' theory, remember?)

"He can't hide forever!" Xion growled looking at the test. It reads positive. "No way…,"

"Xion, don't commit suicide…, if someone has to die, make it Roxas because he was the one who nailed you! Also, whatever you do, keep Roxas away from that demon child once it's born," Thasmox said.

"How do you figure it's gonna be a demon, punk?" Zexion asked sternly.

"It's from a sperm of Roxas and the zygote is Xion's. That's how I figure, bookworm!" Thasmox replied.

"I don't need this. Good luck Xion," Zexion said entering a Dark Corridor.

Lexaeus, Marluxia, and Saix emerge from the Dark Corridor into Xaldin's Room.

"You were gone long enough. Did you find what you sought out for?" Xaldin asked pleasantly.

"Yes we did Sailor Sam!" Marluxia replied delightedly.

"Plus we got this fire breathing tiki statue at Destiny Islands, I think it was like their God or something. Marluxia insisted we keep it!" Lexaeus remarked making fire shoot out.

"Watch it!" Saix said.

"Keep this secret or perish!" Xaldin whispered.

"But my therapist said secrets are bad!" Marluxia said.

"Listen to his advice and come out of the closet!" Xaldin yelled.

Marluxia had nothing to say to that.

Saix' pager beeps. "What? Oh god, Xemnas has a task for me," Saix complained entering a Dark Corridor.

Axel is sleeping and Roxas comes in through a Dark Corridor. "Axel…" Roxas said. Axel was startled and casted Fira upon awakening. "Hey Roxas, having trouble with your… incident with Xion?" Axel asked.

"Yes. She's knocked up and I'm afraid she's gonna keep it…and that means I'm gonna be a father!" Roxas stated.

"Congrats. I can't exactly help, because I was never a father," Axel replied.

"No, I gotta hide for the next eternity! I need you to help me!" Roxas yelled.

"This child is gonna be a demon, but it's gonna turn out even worse without a father," Axel explained.

"Thasmox should be the dad. I'm the biological father, but he and Xion are obviously into each other, and I was disguised as him when I penetrated her. Besides, Xion wouldn't let me and Thasmox is smarter than me," Roxas exclaimed.

"You have a job. I'll try to talk to Xion, and once she's willing to let you back into her life, you're not gonna hide from it. She's mad at you now, so I'll hide you," Axel said.

"Axel… I can't handle this," Roxas complained.

"You have to," Axel stated. "Good luck,"

Saix exits a Dark Corridor in Xemnas' office.

"How is Girl Roxas?" Xemnas asked.

"Apparently, we have a positive. I'm worried more-so about the pregnancy than the birth. We already know this is gonna be a demon child, but Xion is gonna be hell because she's pregnant, angry, fourteen, and single. I'll have to make Roxas help raise this child, but Xion needs to cool off first," Saix explained.

"Are we sure this isn't another prank or a false positive?" Xemnas asked.

"I was present when Zexion was performing the tests. Modern science can apparently see a zygote in a human womb very early. The only fail for this is one of them dying," Saix answered.

"Should we punish Roxas?" Xemnas questioned.

"By all means," Saix said.

A Dark Corridor opens and Roxas steps out. "What is it, is Xion here?" Roxas trivialized, frightened.

"No. We're here to punish you for the input of your cock into her snatch," Xemnas yelled.

"How?" Roxas questioned.

"You're gonna have to be Xion's slave for the nine months, but you're gonna be killed if you even talk to her right now. I'll get you when it's time. I recommended you hide until that point," Saix explained.

"Axel's gonna try and talk to Xion, but he's gonna hide me in the meantime," Roxas said.

"Too risky! I say you hide here so you don't escape. Xigbar, watch him. Make sure he doesn't escape. You have eight hour shifts with Lexaeus and Luxord.

"As if," Xigbar complained.

"Xigbar!" Saix yelled.

"All right, all right. But what's in it for me?" Xigbar questioned.

"I won't turn you into Dusk, we'll get cable, and you get the next five months off!" Xemnas said.

"Sounds reasonable," Xigbar stated.

"Hurry up with that pancake mix, Thasmox," Xion yelled.

"Here you go!" Thasmox said angrily.

"I don't want pancake mix, get me a cheeseburger!" Xion growled.

"Make up your damn mind!" Thasmox yelled.

"Do your jobs or I'll cripple you!" Xion screamed.

"My job is to complete missions for the Organization, not to be your butler," Thasmox explained loudly.

"I said get me a cheeseburger, so get me a cheeseburger or I'll _kill_ you!" Xion hissed furiously.

"If you lay off me throughout the pregnancy, I'll do you anytime you want for the next year!" Thasmox bargained.

"Sounds good!" Xion replied.

_I have to wipe that last part of what I said from her memory somehow, _Thasmox thought.

Axel emerged from a Dark Corridor.

"Axel, get Xion a cheeseburger. _Got it memorized_?" Thasmox mocked.

"All right," Axel said walking to the kitchen.

"Hey, I think there might be some porno on Pay Per View," Xion said in a seductive voice.

_What's her problem? _ "Porno?" Thasmox asked.

"Good ones," Xion said the same way.

"How are we gonna watch that on Pay Per View?" Thasmox asked.

"Like this," Xion announced flashing Xemnas' credit card.

"What else, besides pornography, is on?" Thasmox questioned.

"Paid Programming and _Adventures of the Mighty Lobster Men_," Xion answered.

"What about DVD's?" Thasmox asked.

"Vexen stole all DVD's except for the pornography, which Demyx stole, and one episode of _Sephiroth's Killfest_, the one where he didn't show up," Xion replied.

"Fine, we'll watch porn," Thasmox said pouring some cognac into a shot-glass and lighting a smoke.

"Lexaeus, give it up, the score is 78 to 1. I'm not letting you reveal that secret," Xaldin said.

"Best 79 out of 157!" Lexaeus yelled.

"Rock, Paper, Scissors, shoot," Xaldin sighed not looking.

"Damn it!" Lexaeus announced.

"Told you," Xaldin stated.

"Best 80 out of 159!" Lexaeus shouted.

"Give it up!" Xaldin demanded.

"Marluxia, you know what to do!" Lexaeus commanded.

"By the power of Mother Nature, I decree, Flower Power activate!" Marluxia announced holding his scythe up proudly.

"Flower Power, you're f***ing kidding me!" Xaldin said.

"Mister Lexaeus, kindly remove yourself from the perimeter momentarily. I wish to have a friendly talk with Sir Xaldin," Marluxia said in a false sophisticated voice.

Lexaeus entered a Dark Corridor.

"I think we're close to Xemnas' credit limit. Maybe we should stop," Xion said.

"Are you kidding? These are the hottest chicks alive, like I'm gonna pass up a chance to see them in towels and such!" Thasmox screamed.

"You're a pervert!" Xion yelled.

"Who forced me to watch pornography, pregnant bitch?" Thasmox yelled.

"Thasmox!" Xion broke out in tears.

"Here, take this!" Thasmox rushed holding a sedative bottle labeled ibuprofen.

"Is that really ibuprofen?" Xion asked crying.

"Yeah, sure, why not?" Thasmox hesitated.

Axel arrived through a Dark Corridor. "Xion, we need to have a serious talk," Axel said.

"Should I leave you two alone?" Thasmox asked.

"Yes," Axel replied.

"How unfortunate that is," Thasmox stated.

"Smart aleck!" Axel snapped at Thasmox.

"Begin the talking," Thasmox said, not intimidated even slightly.

"Xion, this demon…, that child inside of you, it's as I said, is obviously, it's a,… well, it's definitely a demon. Without a fa… a father, it's gonna become Xemnas if it's male, Larxene if it's a girl. It needs a father, a committed man who truly loves you and will be there for you!" Axel explained.

"Well, then Pervy McGee over there is out of the question," Xion said.

"When was I ever in the question?" Thasmox remarked.

"Xion! The point is, Roxas…"

Xion interrupts Axel by taking a pillow and attempting to suffocate him. "You will not mention _that_ name in my presence, _got it memorized_!" Xion screamed with hellish fury.

Axel pushes her hand. "Xion, why does it matter…? I mean, true, he did violate you and that is a very serious situation, but you need to let him into your life. You can't hate him for the rest of your life, in time, you're gonna have to forgive him, because if you shun him out, then you're gonna be raising this kid alone. Do you really want to be put through hell because you can't let something go, no matter how big it may be? It's rather let him back into your life, or suffer forever with a young… you know who. Now, which would you prefer?" Axel exclaimed.

"You be the father!" Xion snapped.

"That is not an option, got it memorized?" Axel yelled back.

"Be the father, or be a _dead _man!" Xion screamed holding a stiletto to Axel's throat.

_This is a onetime thing Axel, _Thasmox thought jumping Xion and overpowering her. (Not what you think!) "Calm down Xion. This is serious, I normally don't lay a hand on a girl violently, so how tightly and painfully I have you pinned down should express how serious I am to this situation. Now, listen to Axel and let Roxas…"

Xion pushes him off and starts beating him. "Never say that word. _That _word is forbidden from exiting anyone's lips, on penalty of_ death_! Understood?"

Thasmox says nothing and instead aims his foot for Xion's genitals.

"I don't have testicles! You can't nut-check a girl!" Xion yelled.

"Damn it, I thought a kick in the snatch would hurt a girl!" Thasmox yelled.

Roxas emerges from a Dark Corridor. "Xi…Xion," Roxas said overwhelmed by nervousness.

"Star boy, count your blessings, you got a pass. I'm gonna go beat up Sir F***s-a-lot over there so hard, no one will live to tell about it except me!" Xion screamed calling her Keyblade, and Roxas' as well. She then charges at Roxas full speed and starts pounding him so hard, he can't even feel his bones shattering. Xion does this for 48 hours straight, _literally _nonstop, not even to rest her arms for a split second.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Xion was finally exhausted from beating Roxas so Xemnas had an Ethereal Blade over her neck.

"This is pathetic, how could she be so aggressive after Axel and the other punk tried to talk to her?" Xemnas asked.

"It's obvious, Roxas banged her and she's mad at all mention and is being a demanding bitch," Saix explained.

"Everything sounds bad when you say it like that!" Xemnas yelled.

"Xemnas, it's either you don't understand women, or you are one of the biggest morons in all of nonexistence," Saix said.

"That's it, the electric fence is on tonight," Xemnas replied.

"Number I, I'd like that last remark stricken from the record," Saix requested.

"Sure, why… hey!" Xemnas yelled pressing a button activating Saix' shock collar.

The shock hurt Saix and he yelped. "One shock is like the rise of the antichrist to us, we're sensitive, how the hell did you decide to do that you son of a bitch!" Saix screamed.

"No that's you, Saix!" Xemnas said.

"Okay dude, listen, if you're gonna get around to Xion without being murdered, you'll need help!" Thasmox said.

"I'm listening," Roxas whispered

"Okay, number one, next time you go to her, make sure you're invisible first," Thasmox explained.

"How do I do that?" Roxas asked.

"Ask Xemnas," Thasmox said.

"I have," Roxas replied.

"And what did he say?" Thasmox asked.

"Up yours kid, Saix sleeps on your bed tonight!" Roxas quoted.

Thasmox says nothing and instead puts a DVD into the player.

"What's this?" Roxas asked.

"I swiped it from Xemnas. It was apparently his birthday present. It's called "Saix with a chainsaw!" Thasmox answered.

"Why are we watching this?" Roxas questioned.

"No reason," Thasmox said.

Lexaeus entered through a Dark Corridor, and instead of saying something, grabbed Roxas by the neck, threw him across the room, and started beating him with his axe.

"Lexaeus, why are you doing that?" Thasmox asked.

"I'm showing Roxas how to defend himself when Xion comes back to send him straight to Oblivion." Lexaeus answered.

"Hey, wait a minute, I thought that you and Marluxia where fixated on Xaldin's secret shame," Thasmox queried.

"He's obsessed with…" Lexaeus stopped talking because Xaldin had stabbed him in the back of the neck. Lexaeus collapsed.

"I'd better take him to the hospital," Thasmox said not moving but instead opening a can of soda.

"Why aren't you taking him to the hospital?" Roxas asked.

"Why should I care?" Thasmox said.

"I'm not gonna," Roxas yelled.

Xion walks out of a Dark Corridor.

"Come on Lexaeus, you're getting medical attention," Roxas yelled quickly and somewhat incoherently entering a Dark Corridor.

"I wanted to talk to him…," Xion said.

"What, you're not mad anymore?" Thasmox asked.

"No, I'm still vengefully furious, but that's what I need to talk to him about," Xion explained.

"I'd better fetch him," Thasmox said sitting there opening another can of soda.

Axel appeared. "I believe this belongs to you Xion," he said holding Roxas by the hood. Roxas was struggling.

"Put him down!" Xion said.

Axel dropped him. "He's all yours,"

"Roxas, before you run, I'm not gonna kill you," Xion explained.

"Don't crush my eye-sockets!" Roxas yelled.

"I want to talk," Xion said.

"Oh, interesting. You two can talk and I can eavesdrop," Thasmox explained happily.

"You can go to hell!" Xion yelled.

"Can, won't!" Thasmox exclaimed.

"Roxas, what you did was a travesty. No doubt about it, Xemnas neglected to punish you because he didn't punish Marluxia for the attempted treason at Castle Oblivion. Strangely enough, Xemnas funded that project, but the point is since you got me into this, you gotta help me deal with this because there is no way out. Understood?" Xion said.

"How?" Roxas asked.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but you need to be the father," Xion elaborated holding in vomit.

"How?" Roxas asked again.

"Thasmox, you can help," Xion yelled.

"Can, won't," Thasmox exclaimed again.

Xemnas appeared. "XV, you have two options, help the Girl Roxas or go on a mission to a world where everyone of your greatest fantasies and wishes come true the exact way you want them to!" Xemnas yelled.

"How long is the mission?" Thasmox asked.

"What time would you hate?" Xemnas asked.

"700 years!" Thasmox answered.

"Very well, your objective is to kill Heartless for 700 years," Xemnas explained.

"You're the idiot," Thasmox said going through the Dark Corridor.

"Check it out, I'm Queen Talking Tiki, do not anger me!" Marluxia said in a gay voice making the tiki statue breathe fire the instant Larxene entered the room.

"Queen? If you ask me, you're more of a seamstress!" Larxene yelled.

"Bow before your Fire breathing God King!" Marluxia yelled.

"I thought it was queen," Larxene laughed.

"It _was _Queen Talking Tiki, now it's God King Flaming Tiki," Marluxia stated.

"You _are _a queen!" Larxene laughed again.

"Anger me, and be burned!" Marluxia said even though no fire emitted. "I said Anger me and be burned! Anger me and be burned," he repeated about seven times.

"Give it up. You and Axel can get that out of my room before I do some awful things to you and make Namine rewrite your memory to make you want to be castrated, so I can make an easy hundred-some dollars doing shoddy surgery!" Larxene explained.

"You're not a vet, Larxene!" Marluxia said.

"You're not smart Marluxia, got it memorized?" Axel remarked out of nowhere.

"Now, I repeat, get rid of the f***ing tiki statue!" Larxene piercingly screamed.

They do as she "asked" and decided to bother Zexion. Long story short, bad idea and death of Talking Tiki.

Meanwhile at Altar of Naught…

"You've been called here for a reason," Xemnas said.

"Whax wouxd thax bex?" Demyx asked.

"Look at Kingdom Hearts, what do you see?" Xemnas asked.

"Xit," Demyx answered

"No, you see an angry figure, burning with fury due to the fact that you forgot to clean, polish, and repair the Naught Zone. Do as you're told, because I have Luxord gambling a bladed card around your neck. Get the heck to work!"


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Thasmox had entered the world of fantasies. He read the sign that said "Welcome to Fantasy Island of Doom?" Thasmox asked to himself.

An entity approaches him. "Welcome to Fantasy Island of Doom," said the entity.

"What's the doom mean?" Thasmox asked.

"We called it that to make it sound less fruity!" The entity said. The entity fell over then.

"You annoy me, that's what you get!" Thasmox yelled.

The entity stands back up. "Ok smart-aleck, just for that, you get a house in the gay neighborhood."

"Actually, I would prefer a house in my old neighborhood from 9 months ago, so I could kill my arch enemy!" Thasmox stated.

"Let's see what we have in stock. We have the nothing house!" it said.

"That's Xemnas, try again!" Thasmox said.

"Take a look at the list," The entity said.

{The format will have Thasmox response in quotations}

1: Shooting range "That's more of a Xigbar fascination,"

2: Ship on the ocean on a windy day "Who the hell wants that?"

3: Candy Mountain Cave Secret Lab "That's the insane guy, no doubt about it,"

4: Weight Room of Full of weak people begging to be killed. "5000 munny on Lexaeus.

5: A library full of Playboys "So very tempting, but I'll be considerate and leave that for bookworm on his visit."

6: Moonlit Dogfood factory with Xemnas' Bed, "That last part makes him sound gay,"

7: Hell "Axel, you are severely f***ed up"

8: Octopus' Garden in the Shade "It's either Demyx, or Ringo Starr,"

9: Casino Royale "Does he mean the movie, or the casino itself?"

10: Rooftop Garden with pretty flowers and Posters of Robert Patterson wearing no shirt near a makeup table. "That's gay even for Marluxia."

11: Thunder Plains of Spira with 87 guys "Larxene, hands down,"

12: A house full of girls that look just like Xion "Roxas, you are one crazy douchebag.

13: Hypnotized Horny Thasmox "Damn Xion, that's disturbing…"

14: Porno, Soda, Stars, DVD's of _Sephiroths Killfest, _Dead Roxas "Damn, it's like you read my mind! I'll take No. 14." He said.

"Xion?" the entity asked.

"On the list moron!" Thasmox explained.

The entity snapped his fingers. "Here we are," The entity said. He then vanished.

"I now need to find Thomas!" Thasmox said to himself. "After several episodes of _Sephiroth's Killfest, _that is!" Thasmox yelled turning on a DVD.

Xemnas and Vexen are working on a new set of rules.

"Let's see what we've got," Vexen requested.

This is the list.

1: No Metallica from 9-5 pm.

2: Legal age for drinking and smoking applies

3: No slipping cocaine into peoples drinks

4: No slipping drinks into people's cocaine

5: Xemnas is thy god of all

6: No sex without 3 or more protection methods at once

7: No Sugar for Vexen

"Xemnas, what the f***?" Vexen screamed.

"Your sugar addiction is a problem, we have to limit your intake because it's a problem for business! How are we supposed to sell inferior style electronics when you're on sugar?" Xemnas asked.

"What business about inferior style electronics, we don't do anything!" Vexen yelled.

"Shut up, we have only two hours 'til nine, I'm gonna listen to Metallica!" Xemnas said putting in an MP3 and going to Anesthesia: Pulling Teeth by Metallica.

"Xemnas, stop playing Metallica!" Vexen shouted.

Xemnas was loudly singing do's to the base line. "This is a great song!"

Zexion appeared through a Dark Corridor.

"How are the rules coming' along?" Zexion asked.

"What rules, there are no new rules!" Vexen yelled quickly.

"Whatever," Zexion said.

Roxas was sleeping on the couch while _Sephiroth's Killfest _was blaring and Xion was trying to sleep on top of him (On her Back) because that would torture him.

"Damn you, fall asleep me!" Xion whispered.

"You're laying the wrong way!" Larxene said coming out of the kitchen.

"I'm not trying to have sex with him! What the hell is your problem?" Xion screamed.

"I'm drunk. Where's the douchebag, the starboy?" Larxene asked.

"Mission," Xion said.

"Darn it, I was going to get him wasted, strip him, and make him streak around Xemnas. That would definitely get him demoted into a Gambler at best," Larxene explained.

Luxord was standing behind her, spinning bladed cards. "What was that about gamblers?" Luxord asked angrily.

"I'll play you in Caravan for sixty bottle caps!" Larxene stated.

"This is not Fallout. If you absolutely want to gamble with me, than we shall poker for munny!" Luxord explained.

"Poker is so boring. Why don't we play a drinking game I invented. The rules are very simple, one of us will ask a question, and the other will have ten seconds to answer the questions. If you fail to answer the question correctly, you must take a drink. First one to get drunk loses. We decide who the questioner is at first with rock paper scissors. Every question, the questioner switches. You in?" Larxene finished.

"I am!" Roxas answered.

"You're to young to drink!" Luxord said.

"Think of it this way; if he gets drunk or gets a hangover, he may learn his lesson," Larxene yelled.

"Very well. Do you have adult money punk?" Luxord asked.

"Yeah, I stole it from Xemnas!" Roxas answered.

"Very well, we shall set up a game in the Grey Room," Luxord stated.

"Hey, wait a minute Roxas, when'd you wake up and how'd you get over there?" Xion asked still unable to fall asleep.

"I don't know…" Roxas said.

"As long as you're up, you in for my game?" Larxene asked.

"Larxene, she has a baby, she shouldn't drink. Just because you drank when you thought you were pregnant doesn't mean she should drink when she really is, and she's also too young!" Luxord explained.

"Be quiet," Xion said.

"Fine," Luxord said.

Thasmox was heading out to go kill Thomas. He had a few sticks of short fuse dynamite, a .45 magnum, a shotgun, a bulletproof vest, a knife, and bunch of throwing stars. "I can't coordinate my aim, I really should've brought some cigarettes," Thasmox complained to himself.

Thomas walked out of the school and punched a guy in the face. "That's what you get for stealing my cheeseburger and planting crack in my locker," Thomas explained.

"I can't wait until he gets caught for that!" Thasmox said loading his shotgun. Thasmox aimed the shotgun at Thomas. However, Thomas found an empty liquor bottle on the ground. He decided to try and throw it in the trash can on the other side of the tree that Thasmox is perched in. Thomas throws it and, of course, it hits Thasmox square in the face and he fell out of the tree.

Thasmox stands up. "That bastard, I'm gonna kick his ass before I kill him. I just need to find where he went, but mark my words Thomas, I will find you! Where are you?"

"I'm behind you dirtbag!" Thomas said lifting Thasmox by the neck. "What the hell is your problem? I thought that I taught you not to mess with me! What are you, an idiot?" Thomas asked.

"I may be an idiot, but by no means am I an idiot! Where would you get an opinion like that?" Thasmox asked.

Thomas beat Thasmox up. "I'm getting sick of you,"

"How can you be sick of me, we've only met twice. Besides, beating me up is just making me want to blow your head off! I will kill you, don't worry about that!" Thasmox stated.

"Yeah, I'm callin' the cops," Thomas said.

"What're you gonna do, call the cops?" Thasmox yelled.

"…Yes, I just said that," Thomas answered slightly shocked about the idiocy.

"On that mark, I light dynamite and run!" Thasmox yelled taking out a lighter. "Damn, where'd my lighter go? Here hold this," Thasmox said handing Thomas the dynamite.

Thasmox began looking for the lighter.

Thomas went into his pocket and pulled out a bottle labeled "Hyperglue: For all the things Superglue won't work on." And applied some to one side of the dynamite.

"Found it, give me that. Prepare to die!" Thasmox said gripping the dynamite tightly and lighting it. He tries to throw the dynamite but it is Hyperglued to his hand. "This is bad,"

"All right we're ready to go. Larxene, ask your question," Luxord ordered.

"Let's see…, ah perfect! This one's for you punk. What's Xemnas' credit limit, and what's his charge?" Larxene asked.

"His limit's $27,000, and his charge is $26,980," Roxas answered.

"How do you know that?" Luxord asked.

"I keep track of these kinds of things," Roxas said.

"Good, we have enough to order some pizza! Roxas, you get a free drinking pass, you may charge one penalty drink, a failed answering, to either me or Luxord. Congratulations!" Larxene yelled.

"All right! I might win this! Someone remind me what the bid is!" Roxas yelled.

"$600," Luxord said.

"Bitchin'!" Roxas screamed.

"Luxord, ask your question!" Larxene demanded.

"All right. Larxene, what is the cheat code to "Sephiroth's Killfest: The Game" that let's you use the Sin Harvest attack unlimitedly, because I'm stuck on Chuck Norris. What is that cheat?" Luxord asked.

"Hit X Circle X X Triangle X Circle X Triangle Left Left Right X X Down Triangle Circle X X X Down," Larxene explained.

"That's a lie Luxord! It's Square X X Triangle Up Up Triangle X X Square X! Make her drink cause she's wrong!" Roxas interrupted.

"The little bastard caught me!" Larxene said taking a drink, even though she was grinning.

Marluxia was helping Vexen and Xemnas with their rules.

"Okay, I think that calling a co-worker gay is severely offensive, if it's not true. We need to do something about that," Marluxia asked.

"We are not doing a homosexual offense rule. We need to make these rules legitimately justified, like for example; New Members shall be submitted to the following formalities: Drug test, Combat test, Sexuality Test, Medical test, Mental test,… Sexuality test," Xemnas stated putting a large accent (Music for emphasize just in case you didn't know) on sexuality.

"I have a rule we need to add ASAP. You may not cross "Hall of Empty Melodies, Twilight's View, Memory Scyscraper, or the Naught Zone without clearance and directly verified permission from Xemnas under any circumstance. Reason, it's because we have nothing but Heartless in the castle, and they're really starting to cause problems, and Demyx is too lazy to exterminate them. Don't you agree?" Vexen said.

"Yes, Demyx is too lazy. Things were much more effective when he was a Dusk," Xemnas answered.

"I meant the rule part!" Vexen said.

"Oh yeah, that's stupid," Xemnas stated.

"Second," Marluxia agreed.

"How about this? When Xemnas assigns a task, it must be completed within one year of assignment or you will be transformed into a Dusk for half an hour. Sound good?" Vexen asked.

"Marvelous, you have outdone yourself Vexen. I believe you deserve some reward!" Xemnas explained holding out a personal sized bag of Wild Berry Skittles.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Thasmox was walking around in his perfect house trying to think of a way of killing Thomas.

"Let me see, I could simply extinguish the sun, but then too many people would die, and I'm only after one person. What if I could obtain a proximity bomb and some C4 and perhaps a few tripwires? Then I would also require a weapon such as an MI6 or something more complex then throwing stars." Thasmox takes out a business card from the entity in chapter 11 and activates it.

The entity appears. "What's the problem? Are you ready to leave?"

"You know anyplace where I could purchase things like assault rifles and trap-splosives?" Thasmox queried.

"Like what? I have things," The entity asked.

"Just give me weapons and explosives!" Thasmox yelled.

"I have already transported the junk to your house in your closet," The entity said transporting him there.

"Let's see," Thasmox said examining his gifts.

This is a list of the junk

1: ASP 9mm w/ silencer and twenty reloads.

2: 10 gauge, single barrel, pump action shotgun w/ twenty reloads.

3: Uzi w/ silencer, piercing rounds, and fifty reloads.

4: Dragonuv w/ scope, silencer, and fifteen reloads.

5: M16A2 w/ dot sight, grip, and thirty reloads.

6: RPG7 with five reloads.

7: Two hundred fragmentation grenades.

8: two hundred flash grenades.

9: Two hundred smoke grenades.

10: Two hundred C4's

11: Two hundred proxy bombs

12: Two hundred explosive tripwires.

13: Two hundred landmines

14: Twenty seven twenty four-packs of cigarettes

15: Thirteen six-packs of raspberry lambics, plain beers, and some strawberry vodka.

"Excellent. I have the power of a one man army. Thomas doesn't have a chance, especially once I give him a taste of my special Organization XIII knife. A few bits of armor would've been preferable, but one must make do with…whatever the saying is," Thasmox said out loud for some reason.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Roxas, Larxene, and Luxord were still playing their game. Roxas was losing because he has a lower alcohol tolerance then the other two due to his age. Larxene was in second seeing as she was purposely answering half the questions wrong so she could drink.

"Roxas, name one of the elements found in your blood," Luxord asked.

"Iron, no wait, official change, Booze-ahol, that's my final answer!" Roxas yelled incoherently.

"No, you were right at first, then you were wrong," Luxord said as Roxas took a drink.

"Eh, who the f*** needs you, f***ord, or is it Draxmorv, something stupid like that?" Roxas asked, inebriated. Roxas started saying more things but it was _unbelievably_ incoherent. Roxas' head then slammed face first in the table.

"I think he's had enough," Luxord said. Luxord tried to shake him awake but he was apparently unconscious.

"One can never have enough," Larxene said, taking the rest of Roxas' beer.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Axel was trying to take care of Xion, but Xion was not being easy in any way.

"I keep telling you, there are no more Tic-Tacs in this world" Axel screamed at Xion.

"Listen to me! If you don't go out to Twilight Town and by me some Tic Tacs, then so help me, I will use my body to make Roxas attack you, and then make Zexion wipe his memory! Got it memorized?" Xion yelled.

"Hey, that's my catchphrase, got it memorized?" Axel said.

"Okay that's it! I was going to use Roxas, but I'll make an exception here! I stole this from Thasmox' room. Merry F***ing X-mas!" Xion said, aiming an SMG at Axel's head.

"What the hell is your problem?" Axel said as he shoots a fire spell at Xion, knocking the gun out of her hand.

"I'm pregnant and there's no _Sephiroth's Killfest _this week due to lack of victims. So shut up and get me some Avenged Sevenfold, because I need to listen to Forgotten Faces!" Xion said.

"You hate every song off Sounding of the Seventh Trumpet, _especially_ Forgotten Faces!" Axel yelled.

"Fine, Save Me. Satisfied?" Xion complained.

"Uh…, yes?" Axel replied, puzzled.

Xemnas and Vexen where once again working with the rules, but Zexion and Xigbar were trying to find a way to hack into Xemnas' computer so they could post new rules on the Organization homepage and to unblock some online shopping site so they could order Little Big Planet 2 from the internet.

"Vexen, that will not work. How are we supposed to solve these constant pregnancy issues if rule number six is pimp Girl Roxas and Larxene?" Xemnas asked.

"We pimp them, but only out to lesbians. A little girl-on girl action won't hurt or get them pregnant," Vexen explained.

"Why do you want to do that? It's not like they'd even do it, and besides, they wouldn't let you watch and nobody would pay. Reason, Girl Roxas wouldn't and Larxene would do it for free. Understand?" Xemnas yelled.

"Non, je ne fais pas comprende vous putain idiot!" Vexen stated in french. (No, I do not understand you f***ing idiot)

"What did you say?" Xemnas screamed.

"I said that you are truly a master of all life you and that you may be stupid but you know absolutely nothing," Vexen answered.

"Maybe we should try finding Xemnas' password," Zexion suggested.

"As if, Saix had it changed after Xemnas told everyone, so it won't be as easy as that," Xigbar elaborated.

"How hard could it be?" Zexion asked.

"Very," Xigbar answered, "Why don't we just use a proxy site? It'd save us a lot of trouble,"

"As if," Zexion said.

Xigbar shot Zexion in the foot.

"Xigbar, what the hell?" Zexion yelled.

"Next time you say _as if_, it will be your head," Xigbar replied.

"I have an idea," Xaldin said out of nowhere.

"How long have you been there," Zexion asked.

"Long enough," Xaldin answered.

"What's your plan," Zexion questioned.

"I think that we should install illegal key-logging software. I have a website that does great work, but I need a proxy to get on it," Xaldin explained.

"Wait a minute, what's the point of using the proxy to get on that site if we could use it to get on the other website in the first place? If we use the proxy, we won't need his password, so what's the point of using it to install key-logging software? It makes no sense to do what you're thinking," Xigbar stated.

"Shut up, our plan is more fun," Xaldin said.

"All we need is a proxy site, you know any Xigbar?" Zexion inquired.

"I do, but why should I tell you if you're going to do this operation the stupid way?" Xigbar said.

"It will help us keep track of Xemnas' computerized operations, and we can use it to find other things about Xemnas. So what'll it be, are you going to tell me a proxy, or never play Little Big Planet 2 and might have all proxies and other sites blocked?" Zexion said trying to reason with Xigbar.

"You win. Go to and it should work," Xigbar said.

"In the event of need, you have any others?" Zexion asked.

"Tons," Xigbar stated.

"Marvelous!" Xaldin yelled.

Thasmox was trying to find out the location of Thomas, so he decided to check his house. He was perched in a tree. He had surrounded the tree with landmines as well as under the doormat, he put some proxy bombs at the ground under each window, as well as attaching C4 to the window sill and put explosive tripwire in all the doorways. He was holding his Dragonuv at the ready.

"Man, this is so boring. I think I need a smoke," Thasmox said securing the Dragonuv on some branches and reaching in his pocket for a cigarette. He lights it. "I wonder how I'm not addicted,"

Thomas was on the sidewalk walking up to the driveway.

"That's right, take a few more steps. Trigger the landmine I have set there," Thasmox whispered.

Thomas, however, takes something out of his pocket which is later revealed to be a rock and throws it towards the tree for some reason. The rock bounces off the tree and lands close to one of the landmines.

"That was close," Thasmox whispered aiming the rifle. However, when he took aim, a pinecone fell off, landed on one of the landmine, and set it off. The mine blew Thasmox out of the tree. "That doesn't make sense…" Thasmox yelled on the ground.

"…You think I would care, but I honestly don't," Thomas said with a puzzled look.

"Shut up! I have grenades, and I have guns, and I have the power to blast your rear from here to Russia!" Thasmox yelled holding Thomas' ankle.

Thomas takes the ASP out of Thasmox' pocket and shoots him in the head. He then uses the shots to somehow disarm the traps. He takes a few steps towards his house, but then looks at Thasmox and goes back. He puts his hand on his chest and feels heartbeat. "Let's se, if I put some C4 here and some other thing around here," He said placing explosives seemingly randomly around Thasmox, "Done, now to launch him to hell!" Thomas said pulling the pin off a grenade. He places it on the ground and runs like hell. The grenade goes off setting off the other explosives which then launch him high. Thasmox eventually lands about three minutes later in Proof of Existence, World That Never Was. {Grenaded, Ironic if I do say so myself}


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Roxas was sitting on the couch in metal armor. Xion was on the other side of the couch. _Sephiroth's Killfest _was on, and Roxas was shaking in terror.

"What's with the trembling?" Xion questioned.

"I get the feeling that you're watching this so you can find new ways of killing me brutally," Roxas answered.

"That's a good idea. For once, I don't think you're so stupid. Another thing, go get me some Mountain Dew," Xion said.

"Lexaeus stole the last can, I told him not to because you'd want it, but he didn't care. He picked me up by the neck and threw me across the The World that Never Was!" Roxas yelled.

"This, not The. _This _World That Never Was. Say_ This_ when you're in this world, and go get me Mountain Dew!" Xion said.

"Axel should be coming back with stuff soon," Roxas explained.

"I want Mountain Dew now!" Xion complained.

"Here," said an anonymous voice as a can of Mountain Dew was thrown to Xion.

Xion caught it. "Where'd you come from Thasmox? I thought you were at Fantasy Island," Xion asked.

"I was. For some reason, I woke up charred, face down, in front of Zexion's room," Thasmox explained.

"That's odd," Roxas said.

"Shove it punk, I'm not past torturing you yet!" Thasmox yelled.

"Why not, what have I done?" Roxas asked.

"I don't care. Xion, beer me," Thasmox said.

"Wait a minute, you come here inexplicably with a Mountain Dew, but you didn't bring a beer for yourself? You are f***ed up!" Roxas exclaimed.

"No, that's Xion…by you," Thasmox stated to make Roxas shut up.

Thasmox opened a can of soda and sat back. Xion, however, took out her keyblade. First she hit Roxas a couple of times even though he's armored and then starts hitting Thasmox because of his remark. Thasmox just sits there as Xion bashes him over the head.

"Why doesn't this hurt you?" Xion said continuing to hit him.

"I have an extremely thick skull," Thasmox answered.

"Yeah, in more than one way," Roxas stated sarcastically.

"Where have you been, and…" Thasmox yelled as he fired a spell at Roxas.

"Business is very slow lately," Xemnas complained.

"What business?" Marluxia asked.

"Our organization, Gay Reaper," Xemnas answered.

"First of all, we have no business, and second, you _know_ I'm not gay," Marluxia yelled.

"I have my doubts sometimes," Xemnas said.

Marluxia gives Xemnas a 'seriously?' look.

"We need an advertisement.Where is Saix?" Xemnas asked.

"I'm right here," Saix yelled.

"Oh yes, yes. Round up the other members. Tell them to stop whatever the hell they're doing and meet me at Memory Skyscraper!" Xemnas said.

"Sir," Saix said carrying out Xemnas' orders.

_**Memory Skyscraper**_

_**World that Never Was**_

Zexion, Xigbar, and Xaldin were still on their quest.

"Xigbar, did you bring your laptop?" Zexion asked.

"As if," Xigbar yelled.

"Organization XIII, we have gathered here to increase our business. I have summoned you all here in order to create some commercials. Are there any questions that don't concern what business this is, how much cash is involved, or if we can call vikings to help cater the affair, _Vexen_!

"What the hell are you talking about?" Vexen yelled.

"Silence. Here are the scripts for commercial one," Xemnas stated handing out scripts.

"What is this? 'Lord Xemnas, I have completed the task only because of your orders and your highly trained lesser Nobodies?' This is so gay," Thasmox quoted.

"You think yours is bad? Mine says, 'Oh Lord Xemnas, you are so powerful and I may be a teenager but I'm still falling for you?' I swear, he's f***ing retarded," Xion read.

"'Lord Xemnas, thank you for the 4.3 billion munny advance payment, I will complete your very easy task?'" Roxas quoted confused.

"Ingenious, isn't it?" Xemnas stated.

"Yeah, maybe if _in_ is a prefix," Xion whispered.

"Reax thix," Demyx said shoving a script in Thasmox' face. Demyx' line was Demyx: "Ix may bex unxer worxed becauxe ox _disability_ bux Ix xtill apxreciate xeing hixed." [Gets killed by Zip Slasher] "I'mx dyixg, bux thex tixe Ix worxed forx yox wax thex haxpiest ox myx lifx, Lorx Xemnas?"

"That's false advertising," Thasmox yelled kicking Demyx in the crotch. "Don't shove things in my face, and use X in disability!"

So they made Xemnas' stupid commercials and are getting ready to watch them.

"Why'd we only make each commercial one take? Seriously, we all sucked," Roxas stated.

"Commercial Number 1," Xemnas said.

The commercial began. The format is going to be a little different here.

Zexion "Oh dear god, someone has put Heartless on my lawn."

Demyx "Ix wax Xi!"

Thasmox, Xion, and Roxas "Douchebag Demyx,"

Demyx "Tix righx, Xi polluxed yourx lawx, xand therx noxing youx xan

Xo aboux ix,"

Saix "Oh really?" as he cuts Demyx' in half.

Xemnas "This is Saix. I paid him 9000 munny for this task but I didn't even have to, because the Organization is heaven for him. The Organization has so many insurance benefits, high pay, and fair vacation time, and our fees for service are cheap just in

case you are a tightwad,"

Axel "I agree, got it memorized?" as he lights the Heartless on fire but Roxas catches as well.

Roxas "Holy S***, ahhhhhh!" he starts to run around.

Xion "I have these kinds of problems all the time because my lawn is favored by them. I will call the organization and finally my problems will be solved!"

Xemnas "For all these reasons and more, you should join the organization or call us if you need service.

Thasmox "You _do _have licensing and permission from the World's, right Xemnas?"

Xemnas "Shut up XV!"

The commercial ends.

"What the f*** was that? I didn't even remember speaking in this commercial, got it memorized?" Axel yelled.

"Yes, we had to fix that in editing," Saix said.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Any progress, Zexion?" Xigbar asked as they were still trying to find Xemnas' password.

"It's still loading, but I think we found it?" Zexion explained.

The screen came up and it had however revealed that Xemnas had set an Internet blocker.

"Bastard! He cut the Internet connection!" Xaldin yelled.

"Calm down. We just need to get to Xemnas' central terminal and enable the network. How hard could it be?" Zexion explained.

"As if, Xemnas passwords everything nowadays. Just last week, he passworded

The liquor cabinet. How to you expect to get possibly at least four passwords?" Xigbar stated annoyed.

"Mind if I intervene, didn't think you would," Thasmox said out of nowhere.

"What the hell do you want?" Xaldin queried.

"Gralxin chill out. You have to be blind if you can't see what Xemnas' terminal password is," Thasmox claimed.

"God damn it, it is Xaldin. Xaldin! What the f*** is so hard about memorizing that?" Xaldin screamed.

"I don't care, his password is 'Nothing,'" Thasmox answered.

"How did you figure that out…? Even though it does seem kind of obvious," Xigbar asked.

"I have my ways of tricking Saix into saying a few things unintended," Thasmox explained sleekly.

{FLASHBACK}

"What do you want XV?" Saix asked very soullessly.

"What's Xemnas' terminal password?" Thasmox said.

"Nothing," Saix answered.

{END FLASHBACK}

"We have work to do," Zexion stated.

"Hey guys, get over here, the second commercial is starting," Roxas yelled as Xemnas was holding a gun to his neck.

The second commercial started.

[Back to commercial format]

Marluxia "Oh hi. Organization XIII has been ever so helpful to me. One time, when I was trying to take a shower, this Heartless spawned downstairs and it had my favorite towel. I called the Organization and they took care of it in ten seconds. It didn't cost as much as I thought, so I was thinking, what's the catch?

Xemnas "Just ask our researcher, Zexion here.

(The camera turns to Zexion but he's turned to left using the computer with Xigbar.)

Zexion "No no no, onomateoproxy has an a as the fifth letter, not an e!"

Roxas (Whispered) "Zexion, say your line."

Zexion (Abruptly turn to the camera confused.) What? Oh yeah. I have been doing some research combined with our methods, costs, customer satisfaction, yadda yadda and all that good stuff and I have determined that there is no catch. Our prices are so good, we are better than porn! (Obviously crosses fingers behind back)

Xemnas "Ma'am, you can sleep easy tonight knowing you can trust us, correct?"

Marluxia "Thank you sir!"

Xemnas "In case you want your kid to get a job, we can start them off as an intern. We accept kids of ages nine and up. Just ask our youngest member,"

(Camera turns to Thasmox who is currently punching Demyx in the face) Thasmox "Cut the commercial, I'm gonna be "training" a while,"

The commercial ended.

"Xou could'xe ax leaxt fakex xit!" Demyx complained.

"I was punching you because you extinguished my cigarette," Thasmox yelled.

"Xi keex xelling xou, thax wax Roxas wix xa firxe hoxe!" Demyx explained.

"You shouldn't have taken up smoking, that can kill you!" Roxas said.

"And you shouldn't nail Xion, cause that can kill her!" Thasmox remarked.

"I don't have a heart to fail anyway," Xion yelled as she took out another SMG and aimed it at Thasmox' head. She squeezed the trigger but all she got was a clicking sound.

"Hahahaha, my genius prank to take the clip out of your gun before your mission to Mafia World worked!" Vexen laughed.

"You just lost help into the sugar vault!" Xion hissed.

"Unfortunately, the third commercial is starting," Saix said seeing as he didn't care.

The third commercial began.

{THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'M GONNA SAY IT, BUT THE FORMAT HAPPENS EVERY TIME THE COMMERCIAL BEGINS}

Camera turns to Lexaeus with his axe. He says nothing and instead it has Marluxia's voice narrating.

Marluxia's Voice "There is always a strong man somewhere, but the Organization men have more then raw physical power, they have the real power. Any man can boast, only a few can brag,"

Xion "Hey moron, those are the same things,"

Roxas "Xion honey, it's not important,"

Xion "That's it! Get the hell back here," She starts chasing Roxas with a chainsaw.

The camera goes to Xigbar who's is clearly discussing plans into hacking Xemnas' terminal.

Marluxia's Voice "This is an example of your classic thinks-he's-so-tough guy, when he is…,Xemnas, we shouldn't have Xigbar in the robes, it discredits us!"

"Shut up Marluxia!" Xemnas yells.

Marluxia's Voice "I have only this to say…" Giant energy ball pushes Marluxia down.

Roxas' Voice "There's strong, there's Army strong, there's organization strong, and then there's _me _strong,"

Thasmox' Voice "Xion, I caught him, move in for the kill!"

A chainsaw noise gets gradually louder, then the commercial ends.

"Seriously?" Thasmox yelled.

"It's powerful isn't it?" Xemnas explained.

"Powerful _stupid_!" Thasmox stated as he entered a Dark Corridor.


End file.
